Are We Done Yet?
by Cheez Socks
Summary: Will the third time be the charm in this riduculous world? Emily's back in Middle-earth, and wants nothing more than to be able to go home and never hear the name "Legolas" again, but Mary-Sue has different plans. PART 3 IN A SERIES
1. Chapter 1

**Are We Done Yet?**

-

This is the third (and final...?) installment in the One Mixed Up Mary-Sue series.

-

Emily sat in front of the television, a bowl of cereal in her hands. She was trying her best to ignore the chattering idiot beside her. Apparently Arimirandrisleahsparkle wasn't too happy about the entire situation, what with being deprived of meeting her one true love and all.

"Please be quiet, you stupid brat!" Emily shouted. Her parents had gone out a few hours ago. They had sensed the tension between the two, and had figured that they had some childhood memories or something like that to sort out (they had gotten along very well when they were six and nine. But now, ten years later, they weren't doing so well.)

"You stole my boyfriends and you want me to be calm about it?" The younger teenager pointed an accusatory finger at the elder of them.

"First, why don't you settle for _one_ stupid, zombie boy?" Emily was livid, and she had the perfect person to take out all her frustrations on. "Second, try finding a _real person_ to be in love with. Third, I did _not_ steal those fucking lunatic losers from you, they were practically attacking me!"

"Excuse me?" The girl's jaw dropped. "So now you think you're all high and mighty? Trust me, no man would attack you."

"You little bitch!" Emily yelled. She was standing now, looking down on her cousin. "Just because I'm not a whore like you-"

Arimirandrisleahsparkle got to her feet. "What did you just call me? I am not a whore!"

"This is ridiculous," Emily said, putting down her cereal bowl. "I'm arguing with a child about the boy she has a crush on." She turned away and walked upstairs to her room, where she promptly shut the door.

"Excuse me, I'm not finished," the persistent brat said, pushing the door open. "What the hell is this? This was supposed to be mine!" She grabbed the old copy of The Lord of the Rings from Emily's bookshelf.

"Put that down right now!" Emily yelled, remembering what had happened last time she had touched that book. "Drop the fucking book!"

"You want your book?" The girl yelled. "You've wrecked my story already, you can have it!" In her vast intelligence, she threw the book at Emily. It hit her square in the head, and then the room was filled with pink and purple lights, as well as yellow stars and sparkles. It would be something like what a person on acid would see when you throw confetti at them.

Needless to say, Emily was yelling and swearing up a storm.

-

The sensation was something like falling. It wasn't unpleasant, but you knew that it would be when you hit the ground. Emily just so happened to be lucky enough not to hit the ground. Instead, she had landed in the lap of a rather intoxicated elf. It took him a moment to register what had just happened.

"E-Emily… I thought you were dead…" Legolas said, pronouncing all of his words properly despite the large number of empty ale mugs on the table that he was seated at. He took a drink from the mug in his hand and set it back on the table. Emily was a bit suspicious. In fact, he smelt of breath mints and flowers. Not a single hair on his head was out of place (Emily noted that now it seemed to be an even lighter shade of blonde than it had been before.)

He drained the drink that he was working on at the moment and reached for another; they just seemed to be available when the need was there. Emily realized that she had been sitting in his lap for the past few minutes. Angry at herself, she grabbed the drink from his hand.

"I love you," was the only thing that he said when she pinched the drink from him.

"How much have you had to drink you idiot?" Emily asked, getting up out of his lap.

"Not a lot," he said, shrugging, "twelve maybe, thirteen tops. We elves are renowned around the world for our livers of steel." He looked up at her and took her free hand in his. "I missed you. I wanted to drown my sorrows in liquor. Sadly there was no tequila, so I'm drinking this."

"I drank more!" Gimli yelled, running across the room, carrying two mugs of ale. As he ran, he tripped and fell forward onto his face. Emily flinched and turned away.

"I win," Legolas yelled, jumping to his feet. He became lost in his own world as he broke out in a victory dance.

"Eww, gross," Arimirandrisleahsparkle said, wrinkling her small nose. She walked up to Emily; apparently she had forgotten their earlier hostility. "This place smells like throw up."

"Yeah, that's because everyone's drunk and throwing up." Emily pointed out. She rolled her eyes. She was stuck here, and just to add insult to injury, the brat had been brought here with her.

"Emily," the younger girl whispered. Lifting a shaky hand, she pointed at the dancing elf. "It's him, it's Legolas! Oh my God, I love him!"

"He's all yours," Emily said, pushing her cousin away from her. She had to work hard to hold back her laughter as the two tried to communicate; both being dumber than a pile of bricks.

"Who are you?" Legolas asked.

"I am Princess Arimirandrisleahsparkle, ruler of Colozreo, the land of beauty and magic," she exclaimed. Clearly she had rehearsed this line a few times. "You can call me just Sparkle, though, if you want." Blushing, she looked down at her feet.

"Cool! Do you have a castle?" Legolas asked. "I have one. It's really, really nice. There are windows and paintings and a big kitchen with lots of food and…" It took him a good minute to list off all of the things that were apparently in this castle. Some of the more unexpected things that he had mentioned were the parking garage and a home theatre system.

"That does sound impressive. My castle, however, has unicorns and walk-in closets." Arimirandrisleahsparkle smiled smugly, but it quickly faded to a frown. "But my family kicked me out because I wanted to go out on my own adventures. They wanted me to marry some evil, ugly suitor and be a housewife. I would _much_ rather marry someone like you…"

"Emily, who is this?" he asked.

"I love you! We were meant to be together! You're so hot…" Her voice gradually went from happy and upbeat to an annoying whine.

"This is my cousin," she said.

"Oh, it's nice to meet any of Emily's relatives," Legolas said, smiling and shaking her hand. "You can be our firstborn child's godmother!"

"Excuse me?" both girls demanded.

"I thought we've already gone over this," Emily said. "I am _not_ having your children."

It was Arimirandrisleahsparkle, though, who looked more distressed. "But… what about me?" she asked quietly.

Emily laughed and decided to leave the two to sort out their difference of opinion. If that involved 'Sparkle' and her designer skinny jeans getting shot down, so be it. Anyways, she had her own situation to deal with when she was pushed to the ground. She was hit from behind, but had managed to catch a quick glimpse of the two flying, drunken hobbits as they leaped off a table and onto her back.

"Get the hell off of me," she yelled, but they were too intoxicated to tell. But after a moment, one of them was heaved off, and then the other. Emily rolled over onto her sore back and looked up in surprise at the elf who had helped her.

"I think I may be in need of another drink, after all," Haldir said. He grabbed her wrists and pulled her to her feet. "You can not even die properly!"

"Good to know that you were concerned," Emily said sarcastically. "Or were _you_ actually making an attempt at a joke?"

"I must learn to cut down on the drinking," he said, almost smiling.

"Oh, you're fine," Emily said. "Have you seen Legolas?"

"Everyone in this hall has seen, and heard, that dolt." Haldir shook his head. "Something is very wrong with him."

"Tell me about it.," Emily said. "I've been putting up with his bullshit for a while. Now… where would one find a drink around here?"

"Come," Haldir said. "We will find you a drink, and then you can explain your return from death... Stranger things _have_ happened recently."

-

A solid half of an hour later, Emily was feeling rather well. She finally took the decision upon herself to go to bed. First, though, she went to make sure that her cousin wasn't doing anything too stupid.

"We can buy a house," she was rattling off to Legolas, who looked ready to pass out. "It will be so pretty. There will be a pond with fish in it, and a guest room because we'll have so many friends. We'll need to make sure that it's in a good neighbourhood, though."

"Legolas," Emily said with minimal slurring, placing an arm around her cousin's shoulders. She felt the girl tighten in annoyance. "I need to steal my cousin from you, it's quite late, and we have some... chatting to do." She leaned close to Sparkle in order to whisper in her ear. "Make him wait a while; it'll be better that way."

Arimirandrisleahsparkle frowned as if in deep thought, and then smiled slyly. She relaxed a bit under her intoxicated cousin's arm, and placed her hands confidently on her hips. With a small wave at Legolas, she turned to head for bed.

"Goodnight," both girls chimed. Emily smiled smugly, that was one disaster that had been narrowly avoided.


	2. Chapter 2

**Are We Done Yet?**

-

Emily grabbed her cousin by the wrist and pulled her out of the room, trying her hardest to keep her balance.

"It's time for bed,"she managed not to slur her words. "And remember what I said about Legolas."

"I don't care," 'Sparkle' said through sobs. "He says that he liked you better anyway, you... drunken slob!"

"Excuse me, I'm doing the best I can here!" Emily shouted. "This just happens to be an exceedingly stressful time for me. It's not like I want to be here, and if I remember correctly, it was _you_ who had to play with that book and get us stuck here."

"I- I- get down!" Sparkle yelled, tackling Emily to the ground. A bottle smashed into the wall just behind where they had been standing. Shakily, the two girls stood and peered back into the large hall. A group of men had gathered in a large circle, egging on a smaller group who were fighting.

"Uh... thanks," Emily said. "But this is exactly why I think it's time to go to sleep." Emily turned to leave, but was pulled back into the room by her younger cousin.

"It's _Legolas_!" Sparkle shrieked. "He's in the fight!" Apparently possessing no common sense, she dashed into the room, going straight for the brawl.

"You have got to be kidding me," Emily said, rolling her eyes and taking off after her. As she passed by a table, she picked up two tin mugs. Suddenly, Sparkle came to a stop, and Emily nearly ran into her. Emily followed her gaze to Legolas, who seemed to be picking fights.

"He will get hurt," Sparkle cried. "We need to help him!"

"We can't," Emily said. "Hey!" She jumped when someone came crashing into her, and swung a fist blindly. One of the mugs connected with the man's head and he shouted.

"Where did you get those? I am a good fighter, I can help!"

"Let's get out of here," Emily said, grabbing her cousin. But their exit had closed. Somehow the brawl had gotten out of control, and had spread to the majority of the room. "Shit, shit, shit! Wait, you're tiny, just squeeze out of here."

"I am _not_ a coward," Sparkle said. "I will not abandon my true love when he is in danger!" She planted her hands on her hips, and Emily had to push her out of the way of a falling man, and then deck another with a mug. Sparkle screamed and grabbed Emily around the waist as another bottle went flying. That got Legolas' attention.

"Emily!" he shouted. "Are you okay?"

"Not for very long," she replied. "How the hell did you start this big a fight, you dipshit?"

"He cares about you," sobbed Sparkle. "And you don't even have the decency to be nice back. Well, I'm different than you, I _love_ him."

"I was protecting your honour," declared Legolas. Sparkle began to sob even harder. "I saw someone look at you!"

"Give me a break," Emily said, rolling her eyes. Suddenly, her cousin leaned over and shoved her, forcing Emily to take a few steps backwards. A larger crowd had now gathered to watch the fight.

"What the hell was that for?" Emily asked.

"You're so mean!" Sparkle yelled, pulling a sword out of nowhere. For a moment, the younger girl looked as shocked as Emily, but she quickly recovered and swung. "He is supposed to be with _me_," she shrieked as Emily jumped out of the way. The men quickly took their attention away from the fight that Legolas had begun, and concerned themselves with this apparently insane young girl.

"You're fucking crazy," Emily yelled, once again jumping out of the way, but beginning to wonder how long she would be lucky. "You can have him, he's all yours! Eep!" The last noise was uttered as she was pulled out of the crowd rather abruptly.

"What was that?" Haldir asked once they were outside the hall.

"I... I don't... know..." Emily said, breathing heavily. "Thanks," she said eventually, cracking a grin. "What would I do without ya?"

"I could not even begin to imagine," Haldir said, letting a small smile slip. "What of her?" He asked, nodding towards Sparkle.

"She seems confident enough," Emily said, crossing her arms. "Let her find out how low she actually is on the food chain. _I'm_ going to bed."

-

"Time for a room switch," Emily muttered to herself. At first, she had been delighted at the prospect of being able to sleep in a room with the other women. Unfortunately, children were often lumped in with their mothers. Now, she wanted to bash her face on the wall. Just then, as if on cue, another baby woke up and started crying.

"Whoever invented the pill is a genius." Emily said, collecting her blanket and pillow and getting to her feet. Trying to make as little noise as possible, she tiptoed out of the room, narrowly missing tripping over a sleeping woman who had suddenly moved.

The hallways were still noisy with the shouting and merriment that came from drinking mixed with victory. Emily walked for a few moments, peering into rooms, trying to find one that was quiet and had some empty floor space. She paused as she caught a glimpse of someone cutting into a side corridor. She picked up the pace and caught up with them.

"Ariel," she whispered, using her cousin's actual name.

"Do _not_ call me that," the girl replied harshly.

"Fine... Sparkle... Are you coming to sleep?"

"I guess," Sparkle said. "But they wanted me to sleep with the other women, and there's stinky babies in there that keep pooping."

"Well, I was getting sick of the noise, so maybe we could work together." Emily suggested, smiling weakly.

"I don't know," Sparkle said. "I guess that would be okay, as long as we can find some hot guys."

"No way," Emily said. "Do you know how much shit I'd get in if I brought you home pregnant with the child of some war soldier?"

"You aren't the boss of me! I'm sixteen! I can fuck whoever I want!"

A passing man stopped abruptly in front of the two, nearly dropping his drink. "Hello," he said, swaying back and forth.

"Goodbye," Sparkle said. "By anyone I want, I meant Legolas. Lose the beard and I'll consider it." She waved goodbye to the discouraged man and continued along her way, peeking into rooms. "Aww! Hobbis!" Sparkle squealed after looking into one room. "Get out," she said flatly to a man after waking him up by poking him with her foot. Once he'd stumbled to his feet she took his blanket and pillow and made herself comfortable, using Merry and Pippin as pillows.

"I'd say that you could share this spot with me, except you're a boyfriend stealer." Sparkle announced, sticking her tongue out at Emily. "Also, I need my beauty rest, and you'd just cramp my style. Hopefully tomorrow, once we're settled in, they'll be able to give me a royal suite."

Content that her cousin couldn't get into any more trouble that evening, Emily decided to go for a quick walk to clear her head. Besides, once the girl had fallen asleep, it would be easier for her to steal some floor space.


	3. Chapter 3

**Are We Done Yet?**

-

Emily gazed up at the sun and smiled. The warmth felt wonderful in mid-march, when she was often affronted by harsh winds or rain. Getting slightly impatient, she started tapping her foot. As if it had heard her exasperated sigh, a city bus came around the corner, and screeched to a stop in front of her.

"Good morning," Emily said, smiling at the bus driver as she got on the bus and paid her three dollar bus fare. The bus driver nodded a hello and Emily sat down, put on her headphones and turned up the volume. She had just began to relax when someone tapped her on the shoulder. As she turned around and saw their face, Emily yelled.

With a quick shout, Emily sat bolt upright on the ground where she had been sleeping. She threw her blanket off and scrambled to her feet. A moment later she tripped and fell back down. Luckily, her fall was cushioned by a certain persistent elf. Upon seeing what, or rather whom, she had tripped over, Emily frowned. The elf was invading her dreams... bastard.

"You stay out of my world and off of my busses!" Emily shouted, glaring down at him.

Something moved on the other side of the room. Legolas wrapped an arm around her and looked over. Emily squirmed, trying to get out of his grip. The something sat up, and revealed itself to be Sparkle (with, of course, naturally nice hair and skin, even after just waking up.)

"What's going on?" Sparkle asked, squinting at them. "Emily? Legolas? What are you doing? I thought we had something special..."

"Let goof me," Emily said quietly. "As much as I'd like to see my cousin crying, I would never willfully be in this position with you."

"Emily..." Legolas whined.

"Legolas..." Sparkle whined.

"All of you, shut up!" Emily yelled. "And you, let me go!"

The next few events happened so fast, Emily was nearly unable to follow them. Aragorn had woken up, grabbed Legolas and hauled him to his feet, causing Emily to fall backwards on her bum. Shouts and blows were exchanged between the two, and (after recovering from her initial shock) Emily smiled, content to watch the squabble.

Apparently she was the only one. Gandalf was quickly on his feet He fumbled around for a moment until her found a pair of thick glasses, which he slipped on before beginning to shake a fist at the duo. After shouting for a few moments, Gimli took a more assertive approach than the wizard and tried, to no avail, to pry the two apart. Sparkle started to sob uncontrollably.

Looking more angry than Emily could remember seeing him, Haldir pulled Emily to her feet. 

"Stop this..." he said. "Do whatever you need, but stop this nonsense."

Emily peered around at the commotion around them, unsure of where to start. Legolas and Aragorn's fighting had the highest chance of a negative outcome, but Sparkle's crying had the highest chance of being annoying as hell. Luckily, the situation rectified itself.

"Hobbit," Emily yelled over the drama, pointing at Pippin, who was convulsing on the floor. Aragorn, who was a moment away from hurling Legolas off of a balcony came running into the room, followed by Legolas. Sparkle stood, and all three tried to play the role of the hero. Legolas and Sparkle crouched at the hobbit's side, while Aragorn drew his sword and stood menacingly, glaring around the room. Apparently he was the only one who saw the importance in this.

"These things just have a way of falling into place for me," Emily said, shrugging. "I did my part, they stopped fighting. Now, I'm going back to sleep. You can make sure that no one dies... Good night," she added with a smile.

"Good night," Haldir said, apparently at a momentary loss for words. He was frowning, but Emily was sure that he was secretly trying not to smile.

-

Emily was rudely awoken that morning by Pippin. He was kneeling beside her, poking her in the shoulder.

"What?" Emily snapped, shoving his hand away. "Can't you see I'm sleeping?"

"I wanted to say goodbye..." he stammered, tears welling up in his eyes. "I'm gonna miss you."

Emily rolled her eyes and stood. After stretching for a moment, she reached a hand down to the hobbit. "Come on," she said. "I'll walk you."

Pippin grinned and took her hand, instantly happy (again.) The duo walked out of the room with every intention of making their way to the stables. Unfortunately, the kitchen provided a sufficient distraction in the minds of both. 

"Breakfast?" Pippin asked.

"Of course," Emily replied, grinning.

As the two sat eating some sort of meat and bread, Emily took a moment to appreciate the relative silence after last night's events. It didn't last too long, seeing as Pippin had his meal finished in record time, and had begun running around the room, occasionally jumping up and down. Emily polished off her breakfast and strolled over to the energetic hobbit.

"Are you three years old or something?" Emily asked.

"No!" Pippin said, grinning. "Hey, what's white and fluffy?" His grin widened, and he looked at her as if expecting an answer.

"I don't know," Emily sighed. "Lint?"

"No, a piece of white fluff!" Pippin broke into hysterics, as did Merry. Emily blinked, rubbed her eyes and figured it was better not to ask where the other hobbit had appeared from. These kind of discontinuity issues were beginning to get all too commonplace.

"What's blue and fluffy?" Merry asked, biting his lip to stop himself from laughing. "A piece of white fluff that's holding its breath!" Once more both hobbits exploded into fits of laughter. Exasperated, Emily grabbed them both by the hand and walked them to the stables.

Just as they arrived at their destination, Sparkle came bouncing along behind them. The hobbits shrieked with delight and ran into her outstretched arms. Emily watched in mild confusion as Sparkle patted both on the head and smiled down at them.

"Miss, I'm afraid," Pippin said, suddenly worried about the situation. He looked up at her, tears beginning to well up in his eyes.

"Everything will be fine," Sparkle said, her smile becoming a more neutral look. She handed Pippin a hankie. "Dry your eyes, little one." Pippin smiled, accepted the hankie and hugged her tighter. Sparkle gave his hair one last ruffle and released him from her hug. She backed up to stand beside Emily.

"What was that?" The eldest of the two girls asked.

"That was me being perfect," the younger replied, a smug smirk now on her face. "Also... it stinks like horse poo in here." She wrinkled her nose for a moment, but then put a pleasant look on her face. The pair watched as Gandalf slowly made his way into the stables. Sparkle eventually offered him her arm to lean on, which he gratefully accepted. She also helped him find his hearing aid when it fell onto the ground. Emily rolled her eyes and left, unable to watch the ridiculousness any longer.

It was still relatively early in the morning, so Emily didn't make any rush of heading back. She dug through her jeans pockets, trying to find anything that could prove of value here, but came up with only her buss pass and a ten dollar bill. She giggled, wondering what someone in this world would say if she tried to purchase anything with paper money.

"What's so funny?" Sparkle asked. "I'm supposed to be the funny one. I'm also genuinely kindhearted and talented. Speaking of talent, can you ask me to sing at dinner tonight?"

"Why are you singing at dinner?" Emily looked skeptically at her younger cousin, wondering what not-so-clever ploy she had waiting.

"Well, I'm not really supposed to, but if I get pressured into it, I will modestly accept. I'll then sing the most beautiful song that has ever been sung. Then Legolas will fall in love with me." Of course. She sighed, staring off into space, batting her eyelashes.

"What if I don't?" Emily asked.

"Then I'll hate you forever," Sparkle replied, frowning. Eventually she dropped the frown in favour of a pout. "Please? Please, please, please do this for me. I really like him, Emily, and you hate him anyway! Come on, I'll owe you one."

"Fine," Emily said. "But remember that you owe me."

"Thank you," Sparkle chimed. "See? I'm also polite. Now, I need to speak to someone about getting that royal suite... politely, of course."

"You aren't royalty." Emily pointed out.

"Yes I am! I was forced into exile by my evil and abusive, yet distinctly _royal_,parents." Sprakle huffed and crossed her arms. "Why does no one believe me when I tell them about my past?"

"Maybe because it's a confusing and convoluted story?" Emily suggested, smiling innocently. "Anyway, I'll see you at dinner."

-

I realize I haven't really said anything to you guys in the past two chapters. Well... voila! I hope you're all liking it. I would reccomend (in any spare time) going and taking a second look at One Mixed Up Mary-Sue. I've re-written some of the chapters. None of the plot is different, the writing has just been improved, ane there are a few added details that I think are worth a chuckle.

Oh, and in the first chapter I had a quick note up saying something like the third (and final...?) installment. This will not be the final installment. There will be one more, which is entitled Get Out Of My House. I'm sure you can all guess what heppens... poor Emily. 

Anyways, I hope this story continues to provide amusement and chuckles.


	4. Chapter 4

**Are We Done Yet?**

Sparkle was glaring at her from across the table. Ignoring the cold look, Emily concentrated on her plate.

"I said, it sure is quiet and boring in here!" Sparkle shouted, kicking her cousin under the table. Emily shot her a look, swallowed her food and stood. The table fell into silence as everyone's attention turned to her.

"I think that Sparkle should sing us a song." Emily said in monotone, crossing her arms and rolling her eyes. She quickly sat back down.

"Oh really, I couldn't," Sparkle protested. After waiting for a moment, she kicked Emily again. "I _said_: Oh no, I couldn't! I'm not _that_ good!" Emily sighed and stood again.

"No, really, we would all _love_ to hear you sing."

"Well, if you insist..."

"I do insist."

"Okay!" Sparkle opened her mouth, took a breath, and was about to begin her song when Emily cut in.

"I just remembered I have better things to do, so I'm gonna go." She turned to leave but Sparkle grabbed her arm.

"If you leave," she hissed. "Legolas will worry about you again and he won't even listen to me. If you want that favour, you need to stay."

"Cheap deal," Emily said sitting back down and preparing herself for the worst.

"What exactly is happening here?" Haldir asked her.

"She plans to woo Legolas with her singing voice." Emily replied, finishing her wine and then staring into the empty cup. "How do I get more of this?"

Slowly, the lights in the room faded and a spotlight shone down on Sparkle. Emily found the source of the light to be a very conveniantly placed skylight. The young girl stood, looking a perfect balance of confidance and shyness. How she pulled that off, no one was quite sure. The room quieted once more as everyone turned their attention to the young girl.

The opening riff of Air Supply's "I'm All Out of Love" began to fill the room. Where the music had come from was as much of a puzzle as the sudden change in lighting (which reflected _very_ well off of Sperkle's hair, by the way.) Said girl climbed onto a table, holding a soup spoon like a mocrophone.

"I'm lying alone, with my head on the phone, thinkin' of you 'till it hurts." Sparkle sang. What irked Emily the most was that the girl actually had some talent, so she wasn't making a _complete_ ass of herself. "I know you hurt too, but what else can we do? Tormented and torn apart." Sparkle was belting it out now. Suddenly, a blank look crossed her face, and the lyrics were replaced by "La, la, las" and humming.

However, she eventually found her place. "I'm all outta love, what am I without you?"

Emily grinned, and idea forming in her mind. Silently, as not to distract the young prodigy, she creeped over to Aragorn, whispered something to him, and did the same to Legolas. The two followed her over to where she had been sitting.

"I... uh... oh shit..." Sparkle huffed and stamped her foot. However, she was not one to be made the fool. "I'm all out of love. What am I without you?" She trailed off, and the band (?) brought the song to a resounding finish. With a proud smile on her face, she looked down at Legolas.

However, Aragorn was the first to speek. He was somwhat confused at what had been requested of him, but said it anywyas.

"I just wasn't feeling it," he said, shrugging. "Sorry, dog."

"Nice... hair..." Legolas said, wearing a smile.

"That was horrendous," Haldir quipped, arms crossed. "You are not going to Hollywood."

Emily snickered to herself. Tears began to well up in Sparkle's eyes, and for a moment Emily feared that she had parhaps taken it a little bit too far. Luckily, the girl was too stupid to be hurt. She flung herself off of the table and onto Legolas, arms spread for a hug.

"You really like my hair?" she asked, tears (apparently tears of _joy_) running down her cheeks. "I brush it every morning in the hopes that you will run your fingers through it!"

Legolas looked a little bit overwhelmed, but recovered smoothly. "You know, if you rinse with cold water, your hair will be shinier. I do it after every wash, rinse, repeat and condition."

"Where I come from we have _unlimited_ hot water," Sparkle boasted, gaining an "ooh, fancy" from Legolas. "And my hair is so nice, _I don't need to repeat!_"

Legolas gasped. Emily laughed. Sparkle preened. Haldir left the room.

-

The next morning, Emily was woken up by a very happy Sparkle.

"What do you- holy shit!" Emily jumped. This was her second unpleasant morning in a row. "What happened to your hair?"

"You like it? I decided to change up the colour." The young girl now boasted orange locks, which suited her now-purple eyes very well.

"How? What? Where did you find hair dye?"

"Silly, I used _magic_, not hair dye, that gives you dry hair and split ends." She smiled, running her hands through her hair. "Do you tihnk Legolas will like it?"

"Yeah..." Emily answered slowly. "Anyways, what the hell do you want?"

"Oh, I just wanted to give you a heads up that we're leaving today. You know, to go to that fight where I'm going to be the hero."

"Fuck."

-

"I am _not_ going anywhere!" Emily shouted. Legolas frowned and spread his arms.

"We _need_ you! You will be our hero!" He moved forward to hug her. Finally at wits end, Emily stepped forward and would have hit him in the face if not for some quick intervention. Sparkle shrieked and ran to grab Legolas, glaring at her older cousin. In a more effective action, Haldir grabbed her arms.

"Fuck you all," Emily said, glaring from one face to another. "You, not so much, but still..." she added, giving Haldir a slighlt less angry look.

"You may believe that everyone is here only for your amusement and disposal," he said, quietly, but still in a harsh tone. "Right now, we are in a situation were we need all who are available. The _last _thing that we need is to be pitted against one another."

"I hate when you prove me wrong," Emily muttered. "You're like the sibling that I never had." Emily had enjoyed being an only child. There were kids in her neighbourhood that she could play with, and she had heard enough sibling horror stories from her friends.

"Then listen to me like a nice sister and go find something... less destructive to do."

"You're a bad brother," Emily muttered as she stalked off. Eventually she found herself outside. It was cool, but bearable in a sweater. That thought made Emily pause. Where had Sparkle been getting all of her new clothes from? Emily frowned and made a point to ask her.

"Hey, look at that," Emily said out loud as a fire sprung up in the distance.

"Look at what?" Aragorn, suddenly at her side, asked. Then he noticed. "The beacons ate lit! You are a genious!" He turned and went running inside. Happy to take credit, Emily silently followed him inside.

"I don't know... I think that he still likes her... But that's not fair!"

Emily paused at the sound of her consin's voice followed by sobbing. Never one to pass up the chance to see the girl unhappy she paused and peered into the room that her voice was coming from. Sparkle was sitting alone, apparently taking to herself. Emily pushed the door open.

"So," she said. "You've finally lost it here, huh?"

"What do you mean?" Sparkle snapped, quickly wiping the tears from her face. "I am completely sane. I have incredible resiliance to menatal attacks, you know. That's part of my magical powers."

"Oh, of course," Emily sais, nodding slowly. "So... who were you talking to, then?"

"Oh, how rude of me," Sparkle said, standing. "This is my new friend, Mary-Sue."

A girl, even prettier than Sparkle, stepped into view, a smirk on her face.

"Oh, we've met," Mary-Sue said.

In an action that she would later very much regret, Emily staggered backwards, tripped on Mary-Sue's outstretched foot, fell, hit her head and passed out.

-

Upcoming fun: Even though Mary-Sue refuses to read the books, I decided a bit of (very loose) book-canon fun was due. Expect to see a couple of familiar faces in the next little while. Any guesses? I'll give you a hint: you've seen them before in this series. That should count as a double hint.


	5. Chapter 5

**Are We Done Yet?**

When Emily woke up, her head was pounding and she was completely disoriented. She opened her eyes, but the bright light only caused a pounding headache, so she shut them again. Eventually, she became aware that she was moving, and opened her eyes again. She could see the ground moving. Grass, dirt and rocks passed by, but her feet weren't moving. Looking around quickly, she was able to figure things out; she was thrown over someone's shoulder being hauled off somewhere.

"Hey," she tried to shout. Her throat was dry, so her protests came out as more of a croak. "Hey!" Emily repeated, somewhat louder this time. She emphasized her point with some fidgeting and what would have been a rather unpleasant few kicks. Unfortunately, before her feet and knees could find a target, she found herself falling through thin air and hitting the ground.

"Ah, fuck," she said, picking herself up. "Fuck this, fuck that, argh!" She brushed the dirt off of herself, unsure why. It wasn't like she still had any shreds of dignity left in this place.

"Oh my," Haldir said. He turned around and looked at her with a blank expression on his face. "Did I drop you? How inattentive of me, I should have been more careful." He crossed his arms and looked down at her.

"Where the hell are we?" Emily asked. She pulled off one of her boots and hopped around uneasily on one foot as she tried to shake a pebble out of the boot. Still not receiving an answer, she put the boot back on and looked up at Haldir.

"I think... that you would be happier not to know." Haldir replied eventually. Emily frowned.

"We're on the way to a fight, aren't we?" Emily asked in a sweet voice.

"Yes."

"They want me to fight, don't they?"

"Yes."

"Damn it, Haldir! Do I look physically fit to fight? I trip over my own feet just walking."

"On the rare occasions that you do walk." He grabbed her shoulder and pulled her along beside him. "Hurry or you will fall behind. I am not carrying you again."

"Did you just try to make a joke?" Emily grinned. "I thought we weren't supposed to make light of this situation."

"Do not push your luck."

They walked for what seemed like (and probably was) many more hours. Every so often Emily would bring up some odd piece of conversation. They would talk for a few minutes, and Haldir would dismiss it. He seemed perfectly content to keep himself amused with whatever was going on in his mind. Unfortunately, Emily had a bit more trouble keeping herself entertained. There was a point where she was actually looking for Legolas' head in the large crowd. At least he would talk to her, even if the conversation would be mind-numbingly childish. Strangely, she didn't see him once during the entire afternoon.

By the time they stopped, the sun was setting. Everyone busied themselves with something, whether it was putting up large tents or digging through supplies, they all seemed to know what their job was. And that made Emily feel even more out of place. Not that she really wanted to help out; it wasn't like she had been _invited_.

"Watch out, girlie," a man called out as him and three others ran towards her. Their arms were full of various supplies, from weapons to cloth, and it looked like they could barely see over the load. Emily stumbled quickly out of the way. She managed to catch her balance before proving her earlier statement to Haldir true.

She was about to wander off for a stroll when her attention was drawn to a large mass of fluorescent pink sparkles. Slowly, Emily made her way over to the obnoxious colour, only to discover that it was the hair of two very annoying teenage girls.

"What the hell happened to you guys?" Emily asked, smirking. "Care bear puke up on your heads?"

"No," Sparkle said, rolling her eyes. "It's magic."

"Magical hair dye? You _do_ know that you can get that stuff for like, eight bucks, at the drug store, right?"

"It's not dye!" Mary-Sue snapped, getting to her feet. "We're just so magical that there was too much magic. So it has begun to manifest in our physical traits." She planted her hands on her hips.

"Wow..." Emily said. "That's special. I need a drink." Shaking her head, she turned to leave the two nut cases to their pink hair.

"Do whatever you want, just stay out of our way." Mary-Sue called after her. "This is Sparkle's story, now!"

"No problem, bitches," Emily yelled back. "I'll see you never!"

--

"Fuck my life," Emily said to herself, pulling her blanket over her face. "Your stupid pink hair is glowing." Somehow she had ended up sharing a tent with Mary-Sue and Sparkle. She wasn't sure who exactly had _brought_ the tent or put it up, but it was here. And her other option was to sleep outside on the ground with Legolas prowling around.

"Could you keep it down?" Sparkle asked. "I need my beauty sleep so that Legolas will love me." She ended that sentiment with a sigh.

"Whatever, I'm going for a walk," Emily snapped back. She pulled on her socks and boots, wrapped the blanket around herself and stumbled out of the tent. The wind hit her suddenly, and she let out a string of curses; it was freezing.

"Emily!"

"Holy Jesus, Legolas! Stop scaring me like that!" Emily shouted. She shot him a glare and batted his hands away.

"I am sorry," he said, frowning. "But your father is here, and he wishes to speak to us."

"Oh you have got to be kidding me," Emily said. "I thought that we already had this talk. My dad is a normal, human person, who is probably at home wondering why his daughter has been abducted for the third god damn time."

"No, silly, it's Elrond!" He laughed and grabbed her hand. "Let's go see him. I bet he misses you. Oh! He probably has a present for you! He's rich, you know. What kind of girl wouldn't want a rich dad?"

"Me."

"I bet it's a really nice, expensive present! He loves you almost as much as I do. Well, in a different way, of course, but that's still saying a lot! I mean, I-"

"Legolas," Emily cut him off. "If I just sleep with you, will you leave me the fuck alone?"

"Um... I-"

"I'll do it, seriously. I heard you guys don't have sex before you get married. I assume you aren't married. So, it's not even like it would waste much of my time. And you guys don't have, like, herpes or V.D, or any of that shit around here, do you? By the way, if you want to keep it like that, I would suggest warning everyone around here about the two whores in that tent. Who _knows_ what they're carrying around?"

"Emily..." Legolas stared at her. "I could not do that. I love you for who you are, not because of some physical attraction."

"The one guy in the world and it has to be you," Emily sighed.

"Not that I would refuse..." He reached towards her, laying a hand on her cheek.

"Yeah, you lost your chance, buddy, get your hands off of me." Emily shoved his hands away. "I'm going back to bed. Tell Elrond that I have no interest in seeing him."

"But-"

"But nothing, I'm going to bed," she turned towards the tent, but paused. "I should be clearer; I'm going to bed _alone_."

"Emily," Sparkle said from inside the tent. "What's going on out there?"

"Nothing, go back to bed," Emily snapped in response.

Unfortunately, the girl wasn't very good at following directions. Shortly, her pink head popped out of the tent. Her eyes lit up when they fell on Legolas. A smile spread across her face as she adjusted her rather revealing silk pyjamas to display a bit more cleavage.

"Aren't you cold?" Sparkle asked.

"I'm fine," Emily snapped back.

"I'm not talking to _you_," Sparkle hissed. She returned her attention to the elf. "Are you cold? Would you like to come in? It was so rude of Emily not to think of inviting you in."

"I fear I cannot, I must take Emily to see her father."

"Jeez," Emily said. "You're not going to give up on this, are you?"

"No."

"Well, let's go before you're lured in by the prostitot."

"What did you just call me?" Sparkle demanded. Emily ignored her and followed Legolas away from the tent. Sparkle wasn't having any of that, she scrambled to get out of the tent and follow them. "Hey... Hey! Wait for me, guys!" Sparkle shouted, running after the duo.

Emily still felt like crap form being carried around like a sack of potatoes earlier that day, and was not too happy about not being able to go to bed. All of this, along with a little bit of taking advantage of the situation, resulted in Emily arriving at their destination via a piggy-back form Legolas. They were greeted by Emily's least favourite animal in the world, the horse Asfaloth.

"Hurry up and get inside," Emily said to Legolas. "And try to stay wide of that demon animal."

Legolas did as asked, all the while oblivious to Sparkle's breaking heart. Just to see the look on the girl's face, Emily held him tighter. Well... it may have had just a little bit to do with a true fear of the horse that hated her... but it was mostly to annoy Sparkle.

Inside the large tent, Elrond stood, frowning. Arms crossed, he looked at the odd trio. Legolas, looking eager and pristine, ready for whatever was to come, and not a hair on his head disturbed. Sparkle, looking slightly confused but determined and like a proper tramp in her silk booty shorts and tank top pyjama set. Emily, looking like she was going to fall asleep any moment.

"Lord Elrond, I have fetched your daughter as you requested." Legolas announced, full of pride.

"Can I go now?" Emily asked. "I came, I said hi, now I want to go to bed."

"You would leave without saying hello?"

Emily turned around suddenly to look at the entrance that they had just come in. Unfortunately, Legolas wasn't ready to co-ordinate the turn with her. This resulted in Emily laying face down on the floor. She was only there for all of a second before Legolas was on his knees, helping her up.

"Emily, I am _so_ sorry, I did not mean for-"

"Get off me," Emily said, scrambling to her feet and wrapping her arms around the duo standing in the entryway. "Oh my God, Elladan, Elrohir... I bet you guys thought I was dead, huh?"

"We were concerned," Elrohir said. "When... he," he looked over at Elrond, "said that you were alive, we had to come and see it for ourselves."

"Still crazy, huh?"

Before either of them could answer, Mary-Sue burst into the tent, her hair blowing in the (up until now, non-existent) wind. Her pyjamas were almost as revealing as Sparkle's, but had more of what they would call "tasteful" lace. Her feet donned a pair of puffy pink slippers and a cushy eye mask sat atop her head.

"I try to sleep for one night, and _this_ is what I get? Sparkle, you are letting the enemy win! You," she turned to Emily, "are going to learn your lesson. Stay _away_ from Legolas."

The room flashed pink and then went dark.

"Fuck," Emily said, placing a hand over her pounding head. She rubbed her eyes before taking a look around.

This was different. She definitely wasn't in a tent any more. Laying a hand against a wall, she felt rough wood. Unfortunately, everything was dark, so that was all she had to go on. Suddenly, the room lurched to the side, and then teetered back and forth before stopping.

She felt it coming on at the first sway. After emptying her stomach of dinner, Emily placed her hand back on the walls. They were damp.

She was on a fucking boat.

"Fuck my life."


	6. Chapter 6

**Are We Done Yet?**

"Fuck boats," Emily said, closing her eyes. She crouched, laying a hand on a wooden crate to steady herself. She closed her eyes, trying to will the heavy feeling in her stomach to go away. After a moment the feeling started to lighten.

"'Ey lad," a man's voice called out. Emily's eyes shot open and she looked around for the speaker. After a moment, she noticed a man standing on the other side of the stacked crates, looking none-too-happy.

"Excuse me?" Emily asked. The sickness was back now in full force.

"I said: 'ey lad." The man repeated himself, clearly annoyed at having to do so. "Are ye deaf?"

"No," Emily answered him eventually. "I didn't think you were talking to me..."

"Well, who else'd I be talkin' to?" He asked, annoyance growing.

"Sorry," Emily said with an eye roll. "You should learn to enunciate; maybe people would understand you better." She paused, taking in the man's outfit. He wore a loose red shirt, and his arms were covered with tattoos under a dark tan. A bandana was covering his raggedy, unwashed hair.

"Learn tuh _what_?" he asked. "Never mind," he added, shaking his head. "Yer comin' tuh see the cap'n."

"You know what, if you would just let me _off_ the boat, that would be really cool. I get really, really sea sick. It's not going to be pretty if I stay here."

"Well," he said with a smug look on his face. "I don' know where you've been, but we're at sea. It'll be days a'fore we're anywhere we can drop ya. Now," he continued, placing one of his large hands on her shoulder. "It's to the cap'n for ya." He pushed her along in front of him, up a set of stairs and to a plain, wooden door. He knocked twice, the door swung open, and he pushed her in.

Emily heard the door shut behind her. She looked up to take in the room. Two figures stood facing each other. They didn't turn to look at her, or even acknowledge that she had entered the room. They were speaking heatedly about something, but Emily couldn't quite hear what. Every so often the one furthest from her would take a swig from a bottle he held. The other, who had his back to her, was clearly annoyed; he stood with his arms crossed, and often interrupted the former.

Emily cleared her throat and both turned to look at her. She recognized both men's faces instantly. Her jaw dropped and once more she felt like she might throw up (but not from the seasickness.)

"What the fuck is this?" Emily shouted. "Where is that stupid bitch Mary-Sue?"

"Is everything alright?" One asked, taking a step towards her.

"Don't you fucking touch me!" Emily yelled, jumping back. "I've had enough of your stupid look alike elf to deal with. I don't want to exchange even one word with you."

"I think you should leave, Will," the other man said. "Clearly the boy doesn't like you."

"Excuse me? I'm not a boy!" Emily protested, fixing the man with a glare. He laughed nervously.

"Of course you are," he laughed again. "As certainly as I am Captain Jack Sparrow."

"You have no ship to captain," Will pointed out.

"What about this one?" Jack asked.

"It's stolen." Will argued.

"Pirate," Jack pointed out. Will scowled in response. "You need to get out." Jack ushered the pirate version of Emily's worst nightmare out the door and turned back to her. "What do you think you're doing on my boat?"

"I don't know! I asked someone to let me leave but he said I couldn't."

"Why are you here?"

"I don't know! I just woke up here. I think this is someone's idea of a joke."

"I know I didn't do the right thing... but really? Sneaking onto my boat? You could have sent a letter..."

"This isn't your boat," Emily said and the man's nervous smile turned into a frown. "You stole it. How do you know I snuck onto it wanting to see you? What if I was here before you even got on board? So you could say that you stole a boat just to see me." She paused. "You could have sent a letter. But, remind me, how do I know you? It seems to be slipping my mind."

"You are my long-lost daughter. I left you and your mother so that I could go do pirate things. I told her I would bring back money to help support the family- you hadn't been born yet- but had no intentions of doing so. I can only assume that you have had a rough life, and have decided to dress up as a boy in order to come onto my ship and have your revenge and bring money back home and lead a comfortable life with your mother. However, while trying to carry out said plan, you may be won over by my charming personality, fall in love with Will and remain pirates for the rest of your long and happy lives... It's just a thought."

Emily was shocked into silence.

"Get me the fuck out of here," she said eventually.

Quickly, the entire room was filled with a blinding white light and the scent of strawberries. Emily began to cough as the smell became overwhelming. She blinked as the light vanished, recognizing the large tent that surrounded her.

"See," a girl's voice said. "I let you off easy. You could be on a boat full of smelly, drunk men."

"You," Emily turned to face Mary-Sue. She jumped at the girl, knocking her to the ground. Before she could hit her, however, she was pulled off of her and into the air. Still kicking and screaming, she was held in the air as the other girl got to her feet. Emily turned her neck to see who was getting in the way of the ass kicking that she had planned.

"Elrohir, if you don't put me down, _so help me god_, I will hurt you."

The elf laughed at her. She continued to twist in his arms, as his grip on her sides began to hurt. Elladan walked over, a stern look on his face.

"Enough," he said eventually. "You may be very young to our standards, but you have been behaving like a child for far too long." He looked her in the eyes for a brief moment, and then turned his attention to Mary-Sue. Embarrassed, Emily stopped her fidgeting and mumbled a quiet thank you when Elrohir placed her on the ground.

"And who are you?" Elladan asked.

"Do I need to answer that?" Mary-Sue asked, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "I'm too pretty to answer questions."

"What she means," Emily added. "Is that she's too stupid."

"Excuse me?" Mary-Sue demanded, taking a step towards her. "What did you just say?"

"What? Did I stutter?" Emily shouted back, closing the distance between them. She didn't even see it coming when the girl hit her across the face. Stunned, Emily couldn't move for a moment.

"Oh that's it," she said, lunging for Mary-Sue again. Both girls went tumbling out of the tent, falling to the dirt ground outside. Emily got in a few good swipes by the time a few dozen people had managed to gather around them.

"I will not break this up again," Elrohir said, looking down at them. "She can get herself hurt if she so chooses. This is not my responsibility."

"This is disgraceful, we really should not let it go on," his brother argued.

"Stop them if you wish, I will have nothing to do with this." At this point, both elves were hesitant to step in. Neither would have disagreed with either girl getting a few good bruises at this point, both were acting like they deserved it.

"Fuck!" Emily yelled as Mary-Sue managed to yank a good portion of her hair. She hit her in the belly and took advantage of Mary-Sue's shock to pull her hair free. Clumsily, she got to her feet and reached down to pull a small knife from her boot.

"Emily," Mary-Sue said, noticing the weapon. "Don't do anything stupid. Put it down."

"Oh, so now you're going to pussy out?" Emily laughed. "What about all of that magic you keep telling me about? What about the skills you're always bragging about? Hey!" Once more, Emily found herself being restrained. Elrohir grabbed her forearm with one hand and grabbed the knife with another. Mary-Sue began to laugh, but a death look from both Elladan and Elrohir shut her up quickly.

"Elves do not sleep very often, you know," a voice behind her said. "All I wanted was perhaps a few hours tonight. Of course, it now seems that that is too much to ask."

"Hey, I got woken up by Legolas, think about how _I_ feel," Emily shot back. "Besides, you know you would have been pissed if you found out that you missed this, Haldir. Any excuse to see me make an ass of myself, and you're on it."

"What is wrong with you?" Mary-Sue demanded, getting to her feet. "Do you think this is a joke?"

"Of course I do! This is a story and you could send me out of it and put this shit back to normal!" Emily was yelling at the top of her lungs and she could feel Haldir's grip on her tensing.

"I can't" Mary-Sue said eventually, tears running down her cheeks. "I... I tried to set them back. Do you think I really want it to be like this? I wanted Sparkle in my story because she reminds me of myself. I want a perfect girl, not some raggedy, rude, violent, bitter... you." Emily would have made a comment about that, had she had the energy. But the effects of both the spats had begun to hit her, and nothing seemed more appealing at the moment than being in a soft bed.

"So you're trying to tell me that they're all..."

"Stuck this way," Mary-Sue finished, wiping the tears from her cheeks.

"Is there no way to fix them?" Emily asked, though she was afraid that she already knew the answer.

"Not really," Mary-Sue answered eventually. "I mean, they're only programmed to stay like this until the end of the story. So, in theory, once the story is over, they will all be back to normal."

Emily frowned. "So... take me home. The story can play itself out. I'll be home, they'll be normal, everyone wins." She studied the look on the other girl's face. "Why are you frowning? Why do I have a feeling that it just can't be that easy?"

"You have already changed things in this story; they are now dependant on you to complete this quest. Emily, in all of your effort _not_ to be The Chosen One, you have become her."

"Fuck this," Emily scoffed, rolling her eyes. "This is just a story, take me home. What's the worst that can happen to them, anyways?"

"Look around you," Mary-Sue said. Reluctantly, Emily did so. Sparkle was in a ball on the floor, crying. Legolas was picking a fight with Aragorn, who didn't seem too reluctant to fight back. Elrond was yelling incoherently at the two of them, all the while waving his arms urgently.

"Excuse me," said a voice behind her. Emily spun around to see Gimli looking up at her. "Can I be in the story now?"

"You're blaming all this shit on _me_?" Emily demanded. "_You_ made them like this for _your_ amusement, for _your_ story! Don't tell me this is _my_ fault, you whore!"

"That was absolutely uncalled for," Mary-Sue snapped back. "And don't you tell me that you didn't encourage, and even take enjoyment from, this behaviour. You think your cousin's mental state is hilarious. You have been encouraging the spats between those two forever. And, well, maybe Elrond is a bit over the top... But it's too late to fix it now! Just finish the story!"

"Why should I? You want me to risk my ass for some crazy fictional characters? I don't think so."

"Well then," Mary-Sue said quietly. "You march right up to your so-called friends, explain to them that they are fictional characters, and tell them that you are leaving, and effectively dooming them." She crossed her arms, a smug look on her face. Emily looked at the twins standing beside her along with Haldir, who had released her and moved to stand with them.

"Well played," Emily said eventually. "But if you ever put me on a boat again, I will hurt you."

"If you ever threaten me again I won't take you home."

"I'm going to bed," Emily huffed. "If anyone wakes me up for anything less than life-threatening, I will not be a happy camper.

"You cannot sleep now," Aragorn said.

"Shit!" Emily yelled. "Where did you come from? I thought you were dead or something!"

"I am alive, but we have a mission to go on," he said. "It is of utmost importance. Elrond _just_ told me about it... sort of. I don't really understand him much anymore."

"Hah, no," Emily said. "You guys go for it. I'm going to go to sleep. Come back here and pick me up when the fight's over."

"Emily, remember what I said about them needing help..." Mary-Sue whispered to her. "They may get killed."

"You three are in charge," Emily said to the trio of sane elves present. "Don't let them die. I'm going to bed."

"You would miss the chance to spend time with us?" Elladan asked. "It is such a shame."

"You aren't coming..." whined Legolas, who was suddenly at her side.

"Will you let me sleep if I say no?"

"No. You must come with us! The fate of-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've heard it. I guess I'm coming, then," Emily declared. "Let's get this show on the road."

-

So... If you're still reading this, I love you. Thank you for putting up with my terrible time management and lack of updates. So, to start to make it up to you, I have a few surprises. One, I will try my best to get out **longer chapters**. Two, **cameos**. Leave a review, send me and e-mail, whatever, and from everyone who asks, three (or more if I get the inspiration) will be chosen at random and be written into the story. (Please tell me your name, whether you're a girl or guy, and one funny or special or whatever thing about yourself.) Three,** three more** of these stories will be coming at you if all goes as planned. Four, **I love you** and send you all big virtual bear **hugs**! 3


	7. Chapter 7

**Are We Done Yet?**

Although she had agreed to carry on with the adventure, Emily couldn't help but notice that the conditions had somewhat worsened. Mary-Sue was no doubt to blame, and Emily began to wonder if she had actually lost as much of her so-called powers as she said. While Mary-Sue and Sparkle rode on a pair of horses that bore a strong resemblance to My Little Ponies, Emily was left to trudge through the dirt, which now covered her legs nearly to her knees. Well, her other option had been to ride with Legolas, who was keen to offer, but that was simply out of the question.

To Emily's left were Elladan and Elrohir, and to the right was Haldir. All three were faring much better than Emily, who was trying her best not to trip over the rocks that were scattered over the ground. It probably didn't help that she couldn't see a thing in the dark and had to rely on following the sounds of their footsteps, occasionally reaching out to place a hand on a shoulder and guide herself. After what seemed like an immeasurable amount of time, her mind began to wander, envisioning the nice, warm bath she would take as soon as she got home, followed by three solid days of sleep.

The sleep was the most enticing part. She had gotten somewhat used to the grime that came with living and sleeping in the outdoors, and although it was unpleasant, it had become commonplace. Holding back a yawn, she leaned over to rest her head against Elrohir. The sky was beginning to take on a lighter colour, and the moon was becoming less visible. They had been walking all night.

"Do not fall asleep on your feet," he warned. "If you were to fall, I doubt I could stop myself from laughing long enough to help you from landing in the dirt."

"Thanks," Emily shot back, pulling away from him. "But I think my second wind is long gone." She frowned, and looked down at the ground, barely avoiding tripping over a large rock that was protruding a few inches out of the ground. Haldir grabbed her arm to help her steady herself, a hint of a smile on his face. He probably would have enjoyed seeing her go face-first into the dust.

"So," Emily said, "How long till we get there?"

No one answered her, but she heard a short laugh from one of the twins. She sighed and resigned herself to the long walk ahead.

The road itself was not too long; the group simply had too many factors slowing them down. Sparkle was chasing after Legolas, who was chasing after Emily, who was doing her best to stay away from them both. This resulted in the trio going back and forth, cutting through the others, many times. Once, Aragorn started shouting at Legolas, and they all came to a halt for a good ten minutes while they worked out their dispute by shoving each other back and forth until Legolas huffed, flipped his hair, and walked off.

Eventually, once the sun was high in the sky, they reached their destination. The group slowed as they approached the crude, stone doorway. Legolas, Aragorn and Gimli were walking now, leading their horses by the reins. Of course, Sparkle and Mary-Sue were still sitting pretty atop the pair of My Little Ponies that they had somehow acquired for the journey. Emily looked around nervously. Even though it was daytime, they were still shrouded in shadows, thanks to the withered-looking trees of the Dimholt that surrounded them. The sunlight only shone down through a few holes in the canopy.

"This is creepy," Sparkle whispered, moving closer to Legolas. She batted her eyelashes and stuck out her bottom lip. "I need comforting..."

Emily pretended to gag. Mary-Sue shot her a dirty look. Sparkle pouted even more. Legolas looked confused.

Suddenly, a blast of air came out of the doorway. Emily took a nervous step backwards, shielding her eyes against the dust that had been stirred up. She heard the horses take off, and then suddenly found herself falling under the weight of a certain cousin who had been thrown off of her horse.

"Emily!" Legolas shouted, reaching for her and grabbing a hold of her forearm.

"Legolas!" Elladan said, grabbing said elf.

"Legolas, let go!" Emily yelled. "Fuck!"

"Are you hurt?" he asked.

"Don't touch me, Legolas," Emily snapped at him. "Frankly, this is getting old. Look," she nodded towards Sparkle, who was wearing an adorable pout. "That girl over there really, really likes you. And, as much as I disapprove of her messing with this world, you guys have a lot in common. Go talk to her, I think you would get along well." Well, they _were_ both completely single-minded, airheaded idiots. Well, Legolas had been turned into one, and Emily suspected that Sparkle was putting in on to a certain extent, but they were close enough.

Legolas stared at Emily for a moment, obviously confused. Eventually a sly smile spread across his face.

"I understand," he said, winking obviously at her. "We must hide our love, for it is forbidden."

"Uh... sure..." Emily said, taking a step away from him. He walked over to the girl he had just abandoned a few minutes ago and said a charming hello. Sparkle stood open-mouthed, staring at him. Mary-Sue quickly darted over, grabbed the girl and whispered something into her ear. Whatever she said, it must have worked, because Sparkle snapped out of her visit to la-la land and replied to Legolas. Soon the two were chatting comfortably.

"What just happened here?" Haldir asked.

"Well, you see, the love between Legolas and I is forbidden, so he's going to go hit on her so it's not so obvious." Emily finished that statement with a satisfied smirk on her face. "You know, that we're _so_ in love," she added to clarify.

"Clever," Haldir said. "It would seem that everyone is happy." He looked over at the pair, who were complementing each other's hair or something silly like that.

"Not everyone," Emily said. "I'm not too keen on going into that cave there. I would actually go so far as to say that I'm exasperated, terrified, tired, and sore. Oh, did I mention terrified? Yeah, so happy didn't quite make the list."

"Come on," Elladan said, hitting her on the back as he walked by. "You have come this far. What do you have to lose?" He looked back and smiled at her over his shoulder as he and Elrohir entered the pass.

"How about my life?" Emily asked quietly, following him through the stone doorway hesitantly. Haldir, who was right behind her, placed a hand on her shoulder as they walked forwards.

Emily followed closely behind the twins, terrified of becoming lost in the gloomy passage. They continued walking until they reached a large, open room. As they walked in, the thick layers of dust that coated the floors were kicked up. Emily coughed, waving a hand in front of her face to try and disperse the dust.

She jumped, turned around and had to stifle a shout upon feeling something grabbing her arm. Getting over her initial fear and thinking it was Legolas, she raised her free hand to give him a good smack, but stopped herself. Sparkle was clinging onto her arm, looking absolutely terrified. Emily faltered for a moment, but eventually took hold of the girl and pulled her closer. Annoying or not, she was family. And even though she would never admit it to Sparkle, Emily was just as terrified.

Silently, Emily took one of her hands and clutched it in her own. She noted the annoyed expression on Mary-Sue's face, but quickly looked away, deciding it would be a better idea to simply ignore her.

"Sparkle," Mary-Sue hissed. "What do you think you're doing? You shouldn't be associating with her! She's trying to ruin your story, after all..."

"Oh shut up," Emily whispered. Sparkle remained silent but made no move to distance herself from Emily.

"Look" Emily said quietly to her cousin. "Maybe it's the childhood memories talking, maybe it's that my subconscious mind doesn't want me to go into this cave and die without saying this, but no matter what happens here, I got your back, alright?"

"Th- thank you..." Sparkle said, smiling weakly and squeezing Emily's hand.

"Hurry," Legolas said, grabbing Emily's free hand. "We have to go save the day!" He pulled her along behind him and through the doorway. Emily tried to keep up with him, still holding Sparkle's hand tightly. Once he came to a stop, Emily pulled her hand out of his.

Emily looked around, or at least tried to. She had thought it was dark outside, but in here it was pitch black. She could hear more footsteps around her, and guessed that it was the rest of the group catching up. She jumped when she felt someone touch her arm.

"Stop touching me, Legolas!" Emily yelled. "I don't like you at all!"

"Emily, please," he whispered. "Do not be so loud. There is no need."

"Oh shut up! I haven't slept and I'm scared and annoyed. Hell yeah I'm going to scream at you!"

"Emily, please be quiet. There are ghosts or zombies or something else gross like that in here. You don't want to make them angry. Oh no, I think you did! Look at that red light!" Sure enough, something glowing red was making its way towards them. Emily squinted her eyes to see it better and pulled Sparkle closer. The light was closing in on them.

"Who goes there?" Emily heard Aragorn shout out from somewhere to her left.

"Chillax, guys," Mary-Sue said. "It's just me. I glow in the dark. And actually, it's pink, not red." She walked over towards them, a satisfied smile on her face.

"I thought your powers were gone," Emily snapped. "What the hell is this glowing thing?"

"It's a lot harder to send a person to a different world than it is to glow, Emily." Mary-Sue sneered. "Besides, would you rather not be able to see?" On cue, her glow went out and they were all plunged into darkness. Almost as soon as the light went out, Emily felt something on her backside.

"Excuse me!" she yelled. "But who the _fuck_ was that? Legolas, I'm looking at you, you jackass!"

"Emily, be quiet..." he pleaded in response.

"Did you do that, you pervert?" Emily demanded, still yelling.

"Yes, I'm sorry, but please be quiet." He reached towards her but she smacked his hand away.

"And _who_ do you think you are? I don't know who you think you are, but I swear I'm going to beat the life out of you when I get my hands on you. I mean, how disgustingly rude can you be? And don't try to tell me I'm overreacting because me yelling at you has been a long time coming! I- what was that?" Emily's lecture came to a halt as a cold wind blew by.

Emily felt Sparkle shiver beside her, and had to force herself not to shiver as well. The room was lit up as Mary-Sue's glow returned, and Emily could make out everyone in their group. She was pleased to see that Legolas was keeping his distance. But she was not quite so pleased to see the pale, ghoulish figures appearing around them.

"Shit," Emily whispered. "That was my bad. Shit, shit, shit."

"I'll handle this," Mary-Sue said, pushing her way to the front of the group. She cleared her throat, her glow got a bit brighter and she fluffed her hair before addressing the dead men. "I have come with the chosen one, and she beckons you to aid us!"

"What is this?" Emily heard Elladan ask. "They will not answer to her, she is je-"

"Just let her go with it," Emily interrupted. "As stupid as this is, she may make this a hell of a lot easier on us."

"You bring the chosen one?" came the booming reply. "Prove it!"

Mary-Sue grabbed a hold of Sparkle and pushed her forwards.

"Behold the chosen one!" Mary-Sue shouted, throwing her arms up into the air. Sparkle managed a small wave before turning her attention to her shoes.

"Hey," Mary-Sue whispered to her. "This is your moment, live it up!"

"Excuse me, attention dead guys," Sparkle said, clearing her throat. "I have come here to save Middle-earth. You must help us. I am the chosen one. Mister dead king, I want you and your followers to aid us!"

The room was filled with a deathly silence. Haldir, Elladan and Elrohir were staring at Sparkle, trying to figure out who exactly she thought she was. Emily was staring at Mary-Sue, waiting for her reaction. Legolas was staring off into space, humming under his breath.

Finally the silence was broken.

"Wasn't I supposed to be the hero?" Aragorn whined. "When do I get to kick some ass?"

"When you grow a pair, that's when," Legolas shot back, grinning.

"Why you-" Aragorn shouted, jumping towards him. Legolas stepped backwards, just out of Aragorn's reach, laughing.

"You can't get me," he taunted.

"I just want to go home," Emily said to Elrohir, who was standing beside her. "Is that really too much to ask?"

"Not at all," he replied. "I want the exact same thing."

"Silence," one of the dead shouted. "You are giving us all a headache. We will help you if you all just _shut up_! Now get the hell out of our mountain!"

The room began to shake. Suddenly, it was dark again; Mary-Sue had disappeared, taking their only light source with her. Far to her left, Emily could see a small spot of sunlight.

"Do not get lost," she heard Haldir say, giving her arm a tug to follow him. She was close behind him, holding onto his sleeve to keep up and so that she wouldn't lose him in the dark. He slowed down for a second to usher her in front of him and they continued to run towards the light.

She had to squint as soon as she got outside; her eyes were not used to the light. Everyone else emerged behind them, and Legolas bounded right over to her. Mary-Sue had re-appeared now that everything seemed calm and safe.

"Well..." Emily said, putting a hand in front of her eyes to shield them from the bright sunlight. "_That_ was certainly interesting."

"I'm proud of you," Legolas said, smiling at her. Emily didn't reply, but stepped behind Sparkle, putting her between Legolas and herself. Sparkle smiled back up at Legolas, and, although it wavered a little bit, he smiled back at her.

With a sigh and a roll of her eyes, Sparkle snapped her fingers. Once her eyes adjusted to the bright light, Emily's attention was completely spoken for.

"There is no way in hell that I am getting on that," Emily said, staring at the boat in front of them, which was moving slowly up and down on the water. She could already feel her stomach turning. "I hate boats, I get violently ill," she protested. "This is not going to happen."

"Come on Emily, I miss you already!" Legolas call out to her, already standing on the boat. "Besides, we will surely fail without you."

"We cannot simply leave you standing here," Haldir said, trying to talk some sense into her. "What will you do? Where will you go?"

Elladan and Elrohir exchanged a look and a smile. Wordlessly, they went into action, each grabbing an arm, and marched onto her the boat.

"Hey! Put me down," she snapped at them.

"We could have your love, Legolas, do this." Elladan said, smiling. "I'm sure he would be happy to help."

Emily stopped protesting, but cursed under her breath the entire time.

* * *

Emily sat with Elladan, Elrohir and Haldir in silence. She cradled a bucket in one arm. So far she hadn't had to use it, but better safe than sorry. No one was sure where it had come from. Sparkle had found it, so Emily didn't question it, what that girl wanted just seemed to happen.

"How are you feeling?" asked a soft voice. Emily heard someone crouch down in front of her, and felt a hand rest lightly on her knee. Slowly, she looked up at the source of the voice: Sparkle.

"That's twice since we left that you've spoken to me," Emily sneered. "What's the occasion?"

"Emily, I'm sorry," Sparkle mumbled, staring at her feet.

"Don't," Emily said. "Just please leave me alone." She turned away, still cradling her bucket. Sparkle frowned and left in a huff. Eventually the three elves that were keeping her company began to wander, probably to go up to the deck. Haldir had held back a few minutes longer, but Emily told him to go. She would probably be sick and didn't want anyone to see her in that state. She clutched her bucket tightly and went the rest of the trip in silence.

From above deck Emily could hear them calling that they were approaching Osgiliath. Emily sighed before being shaken by another wave of nausea. She emptied her stomach into the bucket as the boat came to a rough stop. Sparkle and Mary-Sue bolted up the stairs; surely both wanted to be the hero. Haldir passed by them as he came down, looking somewhat concerned by their race. He made his way over to Emily and frowned upon seeing the tears building up in her eyes.

"Do not be sad," he said, offering her a weak smile. "What we do today is for those who cannot help themselves, for those who cannot fight."

"Look me in the eyes and tell me that I should be here," Emily said. "Tell me that I should have seen the shit that I've had to see, I should have been nearly killed twice for a world that I'm not even from. Fuck, _I'm_ one of the ones who can't fight for myself!"

He looked at her in silence for a moment, his smile faded. Eventually he spoke in a very soft voice.

"I do not think that this is _my_ war either. There are many here who do not need to be."

"I know," Emily replied, wiping tears from her eyes. She took a shaky breath and covered her face with her hands. Haldir frowned and silently wrapped an arm around her shoulder. She leaned against him and couldn't help herself from crying.

"Emily, what do you think you're doing?" Mary-Sue quipped, pulling her away from him. "I come back down here to get you, and what do I see? You're making a spectacle of yourself."

"Leave her alone," Sparkle, who had been close on Mary-Sue's heels, said. "We're all upset by this, Mary-Sue."

"Excuse me?" Emily asked, glaring at Mary-Sue, and pretty much ignoring Sparkle's comment.

"I said you're making a spectacle of yourself. This isn't all about you anymore; this story belongs to me and Sparkle! Just do your job and don't die. Actually, maybe you should die. Sparkle would be in mourning and Legolas could console her. That might work out." Mary-Sue tapped her chin as if she was deep in thought. "I don't like you and I want Sparkle to have a good story..."

Emily stared, mouth agape. The others had learned to ignore Mary-Sue's comments, but Emily hadn't so much.

"You want a spectacle, bitch?" She got to her feet and would have attacked her again, had Legolas not stepped in. He grabbed Emily and pulled her close.

"Legolas, let her go, she's covered in dirt." Mary-Sue stood, hands on her hips, a displeased look on her face.

"No harm will come to her as long as I am alive," he declared. "I am sorry Sparkle, our love was a farce. You see, I did not want anyone to discover my feelings for Emily. But alas, I can no longer hide it."

Emily was torn. She wanted to shove him away and hurl, but it would be foolish to turn away a free bodyguard. Eventually she just resigned herself and relaxed in his arms. Who was she kidding? She had no pride left; she might as well get the best deal possible out of this. If she wanted any hope of making it out of this alive, having him to protect her would definitely help her chances. Sparkle and Mary-Sue loved him. He wouldn't be in harm's way, so if she stuck close enough, she shouldn't be either.

She also got a bit of a kick out of how annoyed Mary-Sue looked every time he touched her.

* * *

So... hooray for the first update in FOREVER! My life is going to start going completely insane in April so I want to get this story finished before then. Yay for me! :D

Ugh, re-uploaded because this lovely website decided to re-do some of my formatting. :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Are We Done Yet?**

Emily looked up at Legolas. He was staring down at her, an arm wrapped around her shoulders.

"Don't think this means I love you," Emily said. "I just need a bodyguard."

Haldir laughed, shaking his head. He stood, along with Elladan and Elrohir. Emily looked over at them. The whole group went up the stairs to the main deck of the boat. The sun was bright. Emily wasn't expecting it, and had to squint her eyes. Aragorn was standing by the edge of the boat. She couldn't see Gimli, but figured he would re-appear whenever Mary-Sue remembered him.

She shrugged away from Legolas and turned to Haldir, Elrohir and Elladan.

"You guys are like my new family," she said quietly. "Whatever happens, I'll see you in the end, somewhere, sometime, right?"

"Of course," Elladan said. Emily smiled and leaned in to give him a hug. She moved to Elrohir and finally Haldir.

"I'll see you at our victory dinner," Emily said. "I'll be the loud, drunk one."

"Alright," Haldir said, laughing. "I will keep a place for you at our table." He smiled, and Emily couldn't help but return it.

"Emily!" The sound of her voice snapped her back to reality. Legolas was calling for her. She turned and walked towards him, tossing one last smile over her shoulder to her friends. Legolas pulled her close again. She had to admit, she was happy at the thought of being protected, no matter how much he annoyed her.

She looked down at herself, she couldn't wait to be able to take a hot shower and get back to real life. The conditions here hadn't exactly been kind to her. Her boots were ready to fall asleep and her feet were covered in blisters. The leggings were thick, too tight, and hot, and the tunic was itchy, she had small scratch marks all over her arms and torso. Every morning she had tried to untangle her hair, but it was hard when your only tools were your hands. She had some good knots to get out after this. Not to mention the layer of dirt all over her. She smiled; she had stuck out nearly the entire story. She was so close to going home.

She was called back to reality by Aragorn shouting. There was a group of ocrs on the shore by the boat. Aragorn was yelling, and Emily could see the dead men reappearing behind him and rushing off of the boat. Legolas grabbed her hand and pulled her to the edge of the boat with him.

"No, no, no I can't jump that," Emily said.

"Alright," he said. Before Emily could yell in protest, he had picked her up, and they were on the ground. But before Emily could yell at him to put her down, she was standing on her feet. Out of the corner of her eye she saw something coming towards her. Turning, she pulled the sword at her side and swung at an orc, catching it in the gut. She swung again and it fell to the ground.

Emily looked up, and squinted her eyes to see Minas Tirith. It was about a mile away, and there were lots of enemies between them and the city. She took a deep breath and looked ahead of her.

"Are you okay?" Legolas asked.

"Yeah," she said. "Let's do this." She tightened her hands on the hilt of her sword and the two took off running, stopping only to kill orcs. Emily was swinging at one. She caught it in the shoulder, but it jumped away before she could do any good damage. She yelled and lunged forward, swinging madly. She impaled it straight through the chest. Then she heard something behind her and looked over her shoulder. An orc was running at her full speed.

Before she could even pull her sword free, the running orc fell to the ground. An arrow was sticking out of its chest. Emily looked up at Legolas and nodded.

Next thing she knew, he was at her side. He pulled her sword free for her and handed it back to her.

"Thanks," she said, taking the sword from him. They continued running. Emily went until her lungs felt like they were going to burst. She turned to her left and swung, taking down another orc. She took in a deep breath, and then had to turn and fend off another.

The dead men were moving over the plains, taking care of the orcs and other enemies. Emily turned, seeing something out of the corner of her eye. It was Legolas. He was staying close to her.

She continued fighting, moving closer and closer to the city. Every so often she could see Legolas, still near her. She shouted, running forward until she was stopped by another orc. Still shouting, she raised her sword, ready to kill it. It jumped out of the way, though and swung at Emily. She tried to move quick enough, but ended up getting a shallow cut on her shoulder.

"Fuck," she said, running towards it again. She hit it in the throat, killing it.

As she continued fighting, Emily lost track of time. Her shoulder started to throb, but it wasn't bleeding too badly, so she pushed it out of her mind, ignoring it, and continued to fight. She thought that she caught a glimpse of Haldir, but didn't risk trying to find him and being caught off guard.

Slowly, everything slowed down. The dead men had gone through the city and were now back on the plains, taking care of any that had been left alive. Emily spun around, looking for any movement. She took a deep breath and relaxed her arms. They felt like they weighed a hundred pounds, hanging limp by her sides. She loosened her fingers and her sword fell to the ground with a thud, kicking up dirt. She stared down at it for a moment, considering the energy it would take to bend down and pick it up. She was sore all over and didn't really need it that badly anymore.

She was about to leave it when she heard footsteps behind her. Without really thinking she bent over, grabbed the sword and turned around, but stopped suddenly.

"Emily!"

"You look good," she sneered at Sparkle, who looked like she had just gotten ready for a night out. Her hair was immaculate and her skin and makeup flawless. Emily looked down at herself, ragged clothes covered in dirt and black blood, with a little bit of her own on her shoulder.

"I always look good," Sparkle replied.

"Get away from me," Emily said, walking away from her. She bent down and found a clean scrap of fabric on one of the orc bodies. She ripped it off and used it to wipe the blood off of her sword. Once it was clean, she sheathed it.

"Why are you so mad?" Sparkle asked. "We won!"

"What have you been doing?" Emily demanded. "You don't _look_ like you've been helping. You look like you're about to go to a beauty pageant."

"Mary-Sue found a safe spot for us to hide and wait. She said that I'd do no good to the story if I was dead..."

Emily was about to tear her head off, but she remembered that she had done basically the same. She had used Legolas to keep her safe.

"Well I'm glad you're okay," Emily mumbled.

"You're not mad?"

"No, there's no point in getting mad," Emily said. She started to make her way towards the city. Legolas was by her side. Behind them, Sparkle screamed. They both spun to see an orc that hadn't quite died grabbing the girl's leg. Faster than Emily could even register it happening, Legolas pulled out an arrow and had shot the creature between the eyes.

"Oh Legolas, you saved me!' Sparkle shouted, running up to him and grabbing a hold of his arm. Emily shook her head and continued walking. As they approached the city, Emily began to slow down. Her shoulder was starting to hurt again, and she was feeling very tired. She shivered as the army of dead men passed by her, sweeping the battlefield.

"Emily, are you alright?" Legolas asked.

"I'm gonna be sick," she replied, closing her eyes for a brief moment. They were at the city entrance now. The first level had been completely trashed. There were people rounding up the wounded who could not walk and carrying them up. There were many who stood or knelt, crying for their losses.

Emily stumbled on her next step, but Legolas grabbed her before she could fall. Sparkle scowled. Unable to even summon the energy to move, Emily didn't freak out as Legolas picked her up and began carrying her.

"This doesn't mean I like you," Emily muttered, curling closer to him to try and get warm. She couldn't stop shivering. Her eyes flashed open.

"Put me down, put me down, put me down," she shouted, pushing away from him.

"Emily, I will carry you, I-"

"No," she cut him off. "Put me down, I'm going to be sick."

Legolas obeyed, putting her down gingerly on her feet. She fell to her knees, and pulled in a deep, though shaky, breath. She gagged and leaned forward, putting her hands on the ground to stop from falling. Small rocks and other debris cut into her palms.

"Oh gross," Legolas said, wrinkling his nose at the sight of vomit.

Sparkle stared at her cousin for a moment, before slowly walking over to her. Gently, and reluctantly, she gathered Emily's hair and pulled it back. Emily coughed and gagged again. Someone was helping her to her feet. She bit back a shout as they pulled her cut shoulder.

Emily looked to her side to see Haldir, a worried look on his face. She smiled weakly before the world went black as she passed out.

* * *

Another update! :) I'm almost done the next chapter so it should be up soon. Love you guys for sticking with me for this long!


	9. Chapter 9

**Are We done Yet?**

Chapter 9

When Emily came to, she was laying in a dark room. Her shoulder was wrapped tightly. She was lying down on a hard bed. She sat up and swung her feet over the edge of the bed. Her bare feet touched cold stone. She paused, confused. This wasn't home. Every time she had been hurt badly she had woken up at home.

She pulled at the wrapping on her shoulder. Underneath, the cut was being held together with neat stitches. She groaned. She appreciated that someone had fixed her up, but her mind began racing. Would it get infected? Could it make her a lot sicker? This would have been nothing to clean up back home, but here there were a million things to worry about.

Pushing her worries out of her mind, she slowly stood up. There was nothing she could do about it here and now. Shaking, she got to her feet. In the dim light, she could see a doorway. As she got closer to it, she could hear voices on the other side. She slowly pushed open the door, and was greeted by two surprised women on the other side.

"Dear you should go back to bed," one said. "You need to rest."

"I can't sleep," Emily said. As if on cue, her stomach growled. "Plus I'm hungry."

"What you need right now is sleep," the woman said.

"Please," Emily asked. Her expression quickly turned to a scowl. "I'm a fucking war hero; let me have some damn dinner."

"I-I-" the woman stuttered. The second woman, who looked quite a few years older, stepped in.

"We will get some more appropriate clothes on you and then get you some dinner." She walked back into the room. Emily followed her back in, taking a good look around. There were a few small beds like the one she had been laying on in the room. She recognized her sleeping cousin on one, but none of the others.

"Is she okay?" Emily asked, pointing to Sparkle. "I thought that she was fine..."

"She is," the older woman replied. "She was too hysterical. We gave her something to calm her down. She is simply sleeping it off and will feel right as rain in the morning."

"I'm glad," Emily said.

"Here," the younger woman said, appearing with a pile of tan fabric in her arms. She held it up, revealing it to be a very simple dress. Emily smiled broadly at the prospect of new, clean clothes. The women helped her change out of the white nightgown that she had woken up in into the dress. Emily didn't mind the invasion of privacy. Someone had changed her clothes earlier while she had been passed out anyways. Plus, with her shoulder out of commission, she needed all the help she could get.

"Thank you," she said once she had gotten the dress on. It was very simple, not that she expected more. The skirt fell to the floor, and the sleeves covered all of her arms. She just needed it to go eat. If it had been up to her, she wouldn't have changed at all; the nightgown covered what it had to.

Emily followed the younger girl down a long hallway and through a large room. Emily could hear raised voices close by.

"What's happening?" Emily asked.

"The Captains of the West debate their next move," she replied quietly. "Hurry, before we disturb them." She turned another corner and entered a large kitchen. She made Emily a quick plate of cheese, bread and a piece of dried meat.

Emily accepted the plate with a soft thank you and a smile. The cheese and meat were very salty, but Emily ate it quickly. She hadn't realized how hungry she had been until she started to eat.

"Can I have a drink?" Emily asked. She stared at a wall covered with bottles that she could only assume contained wine or something just as good.

"Oh no," the girl said. "I could not open those."

"It's not for you, it's for me." Emily said. "Come one, please, I'm super thirsty."

"Hold on," she said before disappearing around a corner. She reappeared a moment later with a glass in her hand, which she passed to Emily.

"Thank you," Emily said, smiling and peering into the glass. It was filled with water. She sighed. Well, it was better than nothing. She drank it quickly; the salted food had dried her mouth out. The girl took the dishes from her and put them with a pile, Emily assumed they were to be washed in the morning. She was pretty sure it was late. There was no light coming in through the windows, and she had clearly missed dinner time.

Part of her wanted to ask the girl to leave her. She would steal a bottle of wine and grab her friends once their meeting was over (she assumed they were there.) She sighed. She must be getting old, because it just didn't seem like a good idea. She was sore and tired, and her body probably needed the rest to heal, and no one else would feel like partying right after deciding that they were going to march to certain doom. She missed the good old days when drinking was always a good idea... or at least seemed that way.

Instead, she followed the girl back her bed. She got changed back into the nightgown and proceeded to pass out in record time.

* * *

When Emily woke up the next morning, she was shivering. There was a cool breeze coming in through the window. She reached around for her blanket, but could not find it. Puzzled, she opened her eyes, and quickly found it on the ground. She pulled it back over herself, shut her eyes, and tried to go back to sleep.

That didn't go so well.

"Emily," she heard Legolas say. She pulled the blanket down enough to peek out with one eye. "I am so happy that you are alright!"

Emily rolled her eyes, pulled the blanket back over her face and prayed that he would shut up.

No such luck.

"Every moment until now I was thinking of you," he said. "I had to sneak in here to see you. You have nearly missed breakfast; everyone is eating except for you and your cousin. Apparently sleeping in runs in the family." He flashed her a charming smile.

"Fuck you," Emily said. "I'm trying to sleep."

"Emily," Legolas said, sounding hurt. "I love you..."

"You," Emily said, sitting up. She shot Legolas a glare. "You left me out there when I was throwing up and ready to pass out. You decided that I was too gross to be near. You say you love me, but then you pull that shit! Just get out of my life!"

"Please, lower your voice," Legolas said. "People are staring."

"Good!" Emily yelled back. "Let them stare! I want witnesses to this! Get away from me. Do not touch me, speak to me, hell, if I even catch you looking in my direction I will... I will... I will do something terrible!"

"But I love you..."

"No buts! Get out!" Emily yelled as loud as she could. When he didn't move for a moment, Emily raised her hand as if she was going to hit him. He flinched and backed away, eventually leaving the room. Surprised that that had actually worked, Emily gave herself a mental pat on the back. But she wondered how long it would last.

"Wow."

Emily turned to see Sparkle staring at her, blinking rapidly.

"You okay?" Emily asked. "You look like you saw a ghost."

"I just don't understand how you can turn him down..." Sparkle said.

"He's completely nuts," Emily said. "Well, maybe he was fine before, but what you and Mary-Sue have done hasn't helped. He's annoying and winy, plus he _left me out there!_"

"Why do you care?" Sparkle asked. "You always talk about how much you want him to leave you alone."

"Well, yeah, but you don't run away from someone when they're on the ground feeling like they just got hit by a truck! It doesn't matter who it is! That's just common decency towards other human beings!"

"Um... Earth to Emily, he's not a human, he's an elf."

"That is _not_ the point!" Emily roared.

"But you have to admit, he's pretty damn hot," Sparkle said.

"I'm going to choose to leave this conversation right now," Emily said. She got out of bed, and then noticed the dress she had worn last night folded up beside her bed. She knew that she couldn't get dressed on her own, her shoulder was killing her. But she wasn't quite feeling up to swallowing her pride and asking Sparkle for help. She looked around at the empty room, thinking that all of that yelling would have attracted someone. Sighing, she sat back down on her bed.

"Everything okay?" Sparkle asked, smiling smugly.

"I'm fine," Emily snapped. "Just go eat your breakfast."

"Alright, fine," Sparkle huffed. "I'm sure it will be delicious. Enjoy sitting here alone." With that, she marched out of the room, slamming the heavy door closed behind her. The noise made Emily jump.

After a couple of deep breaths, Emily was calmed down. The door opened and in walked the young woman who had gotten her dinner. Emily smiled; finally she would be able to get out of here.

"Would you help me?" Emily asked. "I need to get dressed. I don't want to miss breakfast."

"Oh my," the woman said. "I will have to comb your hair, as it is not fit to be seen by anyone!"

"I just want to eat," Emily said. "After everything yesterday, do you really think they'll care? Besides, they're all still crazy."

"Please, it would not be proper..."

"Well can I have an entire bath then?" Emily asked, getting a bit excited.

"Oh no," she replied. "Then your bandages would go to waste. They do not need to be changed yet."

"Please," Emily said. "I would give anything to be clean."

"We will change the dressings tonight, perhaps something can be arranged."

"Thank you," Emily said, smiling. "You are my new favourite."

"Well, thank you," the girl said, smiling. "Now, shall we get you dressed?"

* * *

It was a good half an hour before Emily made it out of the room. After getting dressed, they had set to work on untangling her hair. She couldn't point out a single spot on her scalp that didn't hurt from the pulling. But it was worth it to finally not have the rat's nest on her head. Her hair was tied back now in a simple ponytail. The young girl, who Emily had learned was named Rose, had tried to convince her to let her do something nicer, but Emily voted for simplicity. The less time spent on her hair, the more time she had to eat.

She found the elves quickly. Haldir, Elladan and Elrohir were sitting together, talking amongst themselves more than eating their meals. Emily walked over and sat beside them.

"How are you feeling?" Haldir asked, smiling. "Should you be up out of bed?"

"I'll live," Emily said. "My shoulder feels okay. It's my left too, so I can still function... somewhat. Plus, it got more scratched than stabbed. No damage done, just sore."

"Here," Elladan said, placing a plate of food in front of her. "Eat; you need your strength to heal."

"Wow, they're pulling out all the stops," Emily said, looking at the variety of foods. "Is everyone stuffing themselves today?"

An uneasy silence fell upon the group.

"Tomorrow we leave for the black lands," Haldir said. "Everyone must have their full strength. You just showed up at the right time."

"I'd like to see someone try to tell me I can't eat," Emily mumbled. She took a bite of a nectarine. She hadn't eaten anything sweet in a long time. It was delicious. She started thinking about all of the great things she hadn't had in so long. She was grateful to have a large meal in front of her, no matter what it was. But oh man, she would do anything for a pizza.

She finished off the fruit, and then picked up a piece of bread. There was some sort of soft cheese on her plate, which she spread on the bread. It was great.

"When do we go tomorrow?" Emily heard herself asking before she even realized it.

"Emily," Haldir said. "We go tomorrow to make a last stand."

"Travel to Rivendell," Elrohir said. "Our father will take you in. Hopefully it will stay safe there until you find a way home."

"There's no way!" Emily exclaimed. "I've been in this for this long, I'm not leaving now."

They all sat in silence for a moment. The three elves looked at each other.

"I understand," Haldir said eventually, nodding. Elladan and Elrohir nodded as well.

"We cannot stop you," Elrohir said. "After all that has happened, I doubt anyone could."

"Damn right," Emily said. Quietly, she turned her attention back down to her meal. She finished off her food, excused herself, and walked back to her shared room. Across the room, Sparkle was sitting with Legolas. They were holding each other and Sparkle was laughing. Emily shook her head and turned her attention to the trunk at the foot of her bed. She assumed that was where her things were.

"I love you _so much_,_" _Legolas said to Sparkle in an over-dramatic voice. "You are the prettiest girl ever! So much prettier than that last girl that I thought I loved. I am _so_ over her and into you! This is definately heartfelt and not a ploy to make her jealous."

"Oh I love you too," Sparkle said, squeezing him tighter.

Emily rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to the trunk. She lifted the lid and peered inside. Her clothes were folded up neatly. She pulled them out of the trunk to reveal weapons packed below them. She picked up a knife and held it in her hands, contemplating the next few days.

"Um, Emily, can you give us some alone time please and thank you?" Sparkle asked.

"Shouldn't you two be getting ready for tomorrow?" Emily asked.

"We _are_ ready," Sparkle replied. "Mary-Sue says I'm perfect at everything, so why should I have to get ready? Besides, I'm finally getting to spend some time with Legolas. And we would really like to spend that time alone!"

"Fine," Emily said. She collected all of her things and left the room, sighing. She tried to keep her spirits up, though. This was almost over.

* * *

So, another update! Yay, I'm doing good, right? Again, the next chapter will be up soon! I promise! It's almost done and ready for consumption. Thank you to everyone for reading this story! Special thanks to everyone who reviewed, put this story on their favourites or on alerts! Lots of love!


	10. Chapter 10

**Are We Done Yet?**

Chapter Ten

By the time the sun was up, Emily had already been awake for a couple of hours. Everyone was awake. They had had another big breakfast that morning. Everyone sat in silence. Emily forced herself to finish her entire plate. She didn't know how long it would be until she got another nice meal.

She was standing outside now. She had changed into her old clothes. Her feet were not happy with her for putting on the uncomfortable boots. Elrohir noticed her fidgeting and smiled.

"You still have those," he said, laughing. "They seem to be nearing the end of their usefulness. Perhaps after this is all over, I will give you a new pair."

"I'll hold you to it," Emily said, smiling. It put her mind somewhat at ease, thinking back to the days that she had spent in Rivendell before the quest had begun. She spent most of her time getting into trouble and exploring. She had become friends with some of the elves, and Elrohir had ended up giving this pair of boots to her.

They stood in silence for the next little while. Emily checked herself to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything. Two knives tucked into her boots, and her sword at her side. She squirmed slightly uncomfortably at the quiver of arrows on her back. She hadn't used them in a while, but she figured the more firepower the better. Pulling back the string on the bow, Emily peered down the length of an imaginary arrow before letting it go.

"Out of practice already?" Elrohir asked, laughing.

"I didn't think so..." Emily said, pulling the string back once more.

"I am teasing you, Emily," he said, grinning even wider. "We are in the midst of terrible times; something must be done to keep out hearts light."

"We're gonna make it," Emily mumbled. She just felt too terrible letting her own friends believe they were going to their deaths.

"I admire your spirit," Elrohir said. His smile fell a bit, but he looked like he was doing his best to keep a strong face.

Emily sighed and decided to leave it alone. Let him believe it was just a good attitude. She'd probably just screw things up even more if she started talking about knowing the future.

* * *

Emily stared straight ahead of her as she rode. They had been going for hours. She was sore and tired, but did her best to keep her mouth shut. They were not stopping until sundown.

"How long until we get there?" Sparkle whined. "My legs hurt and I'm hungry, and I just want this to all be over so we can live happily ever after..."

"About a week I think," Emily replied.

"What? Are you serious?" Sparkle demanded. She frowned. "I am a fragile, beautiful flower. I am not built to do things like this."

"What do you mean do things like this?" Emily asked, laughing. "Just make sure you don't fall off. The ride there is the easy part."

"You're crazy," Sparkle said. "If this goes on much longer, I'm going to be sore all over. Which is not good considering it's just a matter of time until Legolas and I ar-"

"I don't want to hear it!" Emily shouted. She nudged her horse forward, away from Sparkle. She rode in silence until the sun began to disappear. The group came to a stop and suddenly everyone was busy tending to their horses, starting fires, or getting together a meal. Emily had been recruited to help with the meal, and someone had taken her horse to rake care of while she worked.

Chopping vegetables actually proved to be somewhat therapeutic. She was able to concentrate on this small task and forget everything else. For a few moments, all that there was to do in the world was her and her vegetables. The most important thing was making sure they were cut up properly. She started humming to herself as she worked.

"Um, excuse me..."

Emily turned around to see Sparkle standing behind her, an unhappy look on her face.

"Yes?" Emily asked, continuing to chop her vegetables. "What can I do for you?"

"_I'm_ the only one around here who's supposed to be singing."

"Fine, then," Emily said. She continued chopping in silence. Sparkle didn't budge. "Can I help you?"

"I need to ask you something..." Sparkle said. She was shifting around nervously.

"What?" Emily asked, looking up.

"I really love Legolas," Sparkle said. "I mean, he's totally perfect. And I think I'm finally winning him over. Before this battle, I want us to, um... well, you know..."

"Gross," Emily said, returning her attention to her vegetables. "You are not old enough for that, and he is way too old for you."

"I am so old enough!" Sparkle yelled. "Besides, it's true love! Age doesn't matter in love. Maybe you'll discover that and learn about true love one day, Emily. But until then, that's just too bad for you. You threw away his love!"

"Look," Emily said. "You can believe whatever you want. But the truth of the matter is that he's just some crazy person being messed up by Mary-Sue. That's not the real him out there right now."

"My ears are burning," said girl called in a sing-song voice. Her hair was bright pink today.

"Go away..." Emily mumbled, still chopping her veggies.

"We were just talking," Sparkle said. "But maybe you could help me with something. I don't want to wait another, like, week to get there. That's way too long and this is way too tiring."

"We'll be there tomorrow," Mary-Sue said with a wave of her hand.

"Can you guys go talk about this crap somewhere else?" Emily quipped. "I'm trying to work here."

"She's just jealous," Mary-Sue said to Sparkle, ushering the girl away.

Finally left in silence, Emily picked up her last carrot. Just as she was finishing, she was interrupted again. Legolas stood in front of her, staring silently.

"Yes?" Emily asked, gathering up all of the vegetables and bringing them to a large pot. Legolas followed behind her. "What do you want? You can talk."

"It's about Sparkle," he said eventually. "I'm afraid I have been stringing her along in order to make you jealous. Now she expects that we will be together forever. I'm afraid that she wants me to... you know... be _intimate_ with her..."

"You had better not!" Emily yelled. "That's my cousin, my _underage _cousin to be more precise, and as much as she makes me want to scream, do not lay a hand on her or I will make you pay. Are we clear?"

"Emily, I..."

"Are we clear?"

"Yes," he sighed. "It's just I'm so desperate for attention... I need you back in my life."

"Ugh," Emily huffed, rolling her eyes. "Leave me alone, I'm cooking our last hot meal for a while. You wouldn't want to get a tainted bowl, would you?"

Legolas frowned, but he wasn't alone. Emily was not too pleased about having to live off rations until they returned. She would never take having a stove and being able to cook for granted again. She vowed, once she got home, to cook wonderful meals every day.

The group ate in silence. The first to finish were tasked with starting the clean up. Emily was taking her time, enjoying the soup.

"So," she said to Haldir, who was sitting beside her. "How about them vegetables? Pretty nice, hm?"

"Very good," he said. "The greatest vegetables I have had in a long time."

"Haldir," Emily said. "I just- I wanted to say... thank you. You're like the family that I don't have here. Who knows what would have happened to me here without you? I don't. No matter what happens, I'll always be grateful, even if I was annoying."

"You have changed since I first met you," he said. "It is unfortunate, in a sense. You have grown. You are not the child that I met not too long ago. But, I do prefer when we are getting along."

"Don't worry, when this is all over, I'll do enough acting like a child to make you sick of me again." She grinned at him before gulping down the rest of her soup.

"Well," he said, smiling. "I am pleased to be considered part of your family. I have two brothers that I took care of, I'm sure I can manage you."

"Aright then," Emily said. She tucked her soup bowl back into her pack, and untied the bedroll that was attached. "I'll see you in the morning... bro."

Unfortunately, Emily had to sleep by Sparkle and Mary-Sue. As the only girls, they had been grouped together. Emily noticed her horse tied up close to where they would sleep, as well as Sparkle and Mary-Sue's horses, which seemed more like My Little Ponies. Emily couldn't really complain. She was exhausted from the riding today, and managed to tune out the girls' chatting and fall soundly asleep.

* * *

Emily woke to a start. Someone was shoving her. Acting before thinking, she sat up and swung at the offending person. She missed; they must have moved. It was still pitch black out, so she couldn't see them.

"What?" Emily asked, frowning. "It's way too early to be up."

"It's me," she heard Sparkle whisper. "Me and Mary-Sue are going to try to catch up to Frodo. She says I should be part of saving the world, so... Off we go, I guess! Tell Legolas I love him. Oh, and Mary-Sue says to tell you that she's too impatient to wait, so you'll be there tomorrow."

"Ugh," Emily grunted, lying back down and shutting her eyes. She wasn't awake enough yet to process what they were saying.

It seemed like she had only had her eyes closed for a few seconds before she was being woken up again. This time it was by the footsteps and general commotion that came with packing up camp. The sun had not even begun to come over the horizon, but already everyone was moving.

Emily muttered to herself as she tidied her bedroll. She tied it and her pack to her horse. Unsure of how much time she had, she reached into the pack and pulled out two apples. She fed one to the horse and kept the second for herself.

"Good?" she asked the animal, patting it gently on the neck. She seemed to be getting better with the animals. This one hadn't tried to bite her, at least.

"Where are the other girls?" Haldir asked. Emily jumped; she hadn't noticed him behind her. "The noisy ones," he added.

"They went, wait, and are you ready for this?" Emily asked. "They went to find Frodo."

"They will never find him," he said, shaking his head. "Not that they did much good here..."

"True that," Emily said, laughing. "They added a splash of colour to the campsite, I guess."

"Are you ready?" Haldir said, getting on his horse. Emily nodded and followed suit, though her actions were much less graceful. She finally straightened herself on the horse and they took off with the column of riders. They fell into place, riding beside Elladan and Elrohir.

As they rode, the sun got higher and higher in the sky. Emily could feel sweat dripping down her neck as it got hotter. Their surroundings became desolate, the grass turned to gravel and rocks, the trees became black and gnarled, and eventually there were none left. They saw no animals, save for their own horses. Besides their own murmurings, the only noise around them was the wind blowing. Emily kept her head tucked into her chest, trying to shield herself from the stinging wind.

They continued until they could make out the black gates in the distance. The sun was setting, and the sky was blood red. Emily shivered, suddenly cold.

"That was fast," Elrohir commented. "We were not due to arrive for another four days. What is this?"

"It's Sue magic," Emily replied. If he didn't understand, he made no indication of it. He just nodded and continued along his way.

They camped on The Dagorlad that night, the plains before the Black Gate where the Last Alliance took its stand. Dinner was dried rations. Emily had salted pork and cheese. They were both too strong for her taste, the cheese especially, it was very sharp. But she put a smile on her face and tried to tell herself that food was food and that was all.

But in reality that pizza craving she had earlier was back in full force. What she wouldn't give for a hot, greasy, tasty piece of pizza. Scratch that, she wanted the whole thing, not just a piece. Her mouth started watering as she thought about garlic bread and chicken wings and cheese sticks.

"Emily... Emily... Emily..."

She could almost hear it calling her name.

"Emily! Wake up!" Suddenly she felt a sharp pain across her face. She blinked, focusing back on the real world and stared up at Haldir, dumbfounded.

"Did you just slap me?" Emily jumped to her feet, seething.

"We are in dark lands. I feared your mind had been touched," he said by way of explanation.

"You just wanted to hit me," Emily said, sticking her tongue out at him.

"I barely touched you," he replied.

"Well... it was still a shock." Emily crossed her arms and huffed.

"Come," he said. "We should not be arguing on this night. Sit with us." He led her over to where Elladan and Elrohir were sitting, talking quietly amongst themselves. They joined them, and they talked amongst themselves. The elves told Emily stories about the history of Middle-earth and the elves. She listened intently, fascinated about the details that they were able to tell her. She didn't even know this much about her own world, and she said as much.

"Well," Elladan said, laughing. "When you have forever to read and study, you become rather proficient."

"True," Emily said smiling.

They talked for a while longer, and then decided to call it a night. Emily tried to snuggle into her bedroll, but she couldn't get comfortable. Eventually, she just passed out from exhaustion.

The next morning Emily, if not the whole camp, was awoken by loud shouting.

"I will do it!" Aragorn roared.

"No!" Legolas yelled back. "I want to!"

"I will be king, I get to be the leader and be the hero!"

"I'm much more attractive, I will do it!"

"Is this actually happening again?" Emily asked, shaking her head.

"Be quiet, Legolas! What have you done to help? Hm? I believe it was me that had this 'let's go to Mordor' idea, so I get to lead the charge!"

"Well I showed up, you should be thankful!" Legolas huffed and stomped away from him.

"Well," Emily said to herself. "That was interesting."

"Go speak to him," Haldir said. "He will listen to you. I will speak to Aragorn."

"You need to stop sneaking up on me," Emily said. She sighed and walked over to Legolas. He was mumbling to himself, kicking a rock around the ground.

"What are you all pissed about?" Emily asked.

"I should be leading us, not him!" Legolas shouted. "I'm the attractive one, I would look so much better at the front!"

"Is this honestly what this is about?" Emily asked.

"Oh, Emily, you are such a simple person, but still I love you so!" Legolas smiled and took her hand.

"Be quiet," Emily said, snatching her hand back. "You need to get over yourself and accept that Aragorn is in charge here. I'm sure one day you'll have your own thing that you'll be in charge of."

"Thank you," Legolas said, "for the heartfelt words."

"Ugh, don't mention it, seriously," Emily said, rolling her eyes. She looked over to where Haldir and Aragorn were talking. He seemed to have been able to lift the man's spirits and now Aragorn was making his way back towards the group, shouting orders.

Suddenly everyone was moving this way and that, trying to get into some sort of organized group.

"How does this work?" Emily asked, trying her best not to get in anyone's way.

"Stand here," Haldir said, pulling her into position beside him. Emily smiled and thanked him, though she would have preferred somewhere not so close to the front. Legolas pushed his way back to her side, so that she was between the two elves.

"Emily," he said, reaching to hold her hand. She smacked his hand away and crossed her arms, closing herself off from further advances.

Emily gulped, staring at the intimidating gate. She shifted uncomfortably. There were strange noises coming from the other side. Slowly, they opened and Aragorn rode forward. Gandalf (where had _he_ come from? Emily asked herself) was with him, along with Elladan and Elrohir, and a couple of men that she didn't know. Legolas was beside her, mumbling.

"Just shut up," she whispered to him.

"Why?" Legolas asked. "He left me out! We should _both_ be there up front, being heroic."

"When you get out of this craziness, you can go on all the adventures you want with him. And I'm more than happy to stay back here, thank you very much."

"Emily," Legolas said. "I..."

"Save it," Emily snapped back at him. "They're coming back."

"This is it, then," Haldir said. Emily looked over at him.

"This isn't it," Emily said. "I plan on being around to bother you for a long time to come."

Haldir smiled at her, and the two looked up to see Aragorn and his entourage shouting. Behind them, Emily could see enemies pouring out of the black gates. She wasn't the only one among them that was shifting uncomfortably. Then, Aragorn turned and charged back to the gates. His companions followed, leaving Emily and the small army behind them.

Wish a shout of their own, they charged. It was surreal. It was like her body was moving on its own. Again she found herself striking and killing, but she wasn't even thinking about it. All of her senses were working fine, but it was like her body was on autopilot. Before she could even think about the noise that she heard behind her, she had turned around and struck.

This continued for what seemed like an eternity. There were just more and more enemies. As soon as it seemed like they were dwindling down in numbers, another wave would emerge from the black gates.

Suddenly, the ground shook. Everyone, friends and foes alike, paused to re gain their bearing. The orcs looked around frantically before trying to run. Emily lashed out as viciously as she could, trying to prevent as many as she could from escaping.

"It is falling," Emily heard someone shout. They were echoed with more overjoyed calls.

The air was filled with cheering. Emily joined in, her voice hoarse and cracking, but she shouted along with them nonetheless. People were scrambling to get back on their horses, those that could find them that is. Many horses had been released, their riders not foreseeing any need for a ride home.

As the cheering quickly died down, Emily stopped and looked up. The ground felt uneasy and the sky was darkening with smoke. She was swaying back and forth on her feet. Her head was pounding and she felt exhausted. She took a couple steps, but couldn't keep her body going. She managed to get a shout out as she fell to the ground. She fell backwards, back flat on the ground. She was too numb to feel any pain, but she felt warmth on her back.

Next thing she knew she was being hauled to her feet. It was Haldir. He was yelling something that she didn't understand. Elladan showed up beside them with a horse, shouting back at Haldir, using more words that Emily didn't understand.

Elladan took her from Haldir as the latter got onto the horse. He reached down and the two managed to get her up sitting in front of Haldir.

"Thank you," she whispered. Unable to hold herself up any longer, Emily leaned backwards against him. He said something that she didn't understand, though it sounded lovely. The last thing she remembered was her eyes slowly drifting shut, listening to those words she didn't understand.

* * *

Emily's eyes flashed open, she was panting for breath. She couldn't remember what she had been dreaming about, but she was willing to bet it wasn't pleasant. Her hands were shaking and she was sweating. She took a few breaths, trying desperately to calm herself down. She sat up, placing a hand on her chest. It felt like there was a weight pressing down on her. She frantically pulled at the neckline of the loose, white garment that she was wearing.

Cloth was wrapped tightly around her chest. She pulled at it, trying to loosen it so that she could get a good, deep breath. Her hands began to shake even more violently. The room was dark and she could hardly see what she was doing, which only frustrated her more.

"Stop, stop," a female voice whispered. Strong, calloused hands took a hold of her wrists, pulling them away from the cloth. "You will ruin your bandages! Lie down! You must give your body time to heal."

"Where am I?" Emily asked. She couldn't see much in the dark room. "What happened to me? I thought I was ok?" Everything was blurry, she couldn't remember what exactly had happened after leaving the city to go face the dark forces.

"You are safe," the woman said, her voice taking on a much gentler tone. "We have looked at your arm, although that seems to be okay, and we tended to the cuts on your back. You have been sleeping for two days; your body needed rest, and lots of it!"

"My back?" Emily asked. "What happened to my back? I was fine, last I remember..."

"Your companions said that you hurt yourself as you fell. They are not deep scratches, but should stay covered in order to keep them clean. If you do not suffer an infection, you will be lucky and heal in no time." She slowly let go of Emily's hands, sighing. "You are one of the lucky ones, dear. Now, sleep tonight. The more you rest, the sooner you will be out of here."

"Thank you..." Emily said. "Do you know what happened to my cousin? There was another girl, she went to find Frodo, she's a blonde, younger than me. Is she okay?" Again, Emily found herself worrying about her cousin, no matter how annoying she was.

"I have not seen her, but there are many, many wounded. I will come see you if I hear anything of her."

"Thank you, but one last thing. Where am I? I'm sure not everyone who's in here on the mend gets their own private room, what makes me so special?" Emily couldn't see too well in the dark, but she could tell that she was alone. Aside from the woman she was speaking to and herself, there were no other sounds or movement in the room.

"There are guests in the city, and they have asked that we set you up in one of their rooms. Tomorrow, if you are well, you may walk about, but not alone, and not very far, you may not yet have the strength."

"Okay," Emily muttered quietly, trying to keep her eyes open. "Thank you." She tried for a few more moments, but she couldn't help herself from falling asleep.

* * *

Wow, finally the action is over! But don't think that that means the fun is over, too! There's still lots to come!

Thank you, as always, for taking the time to read! And thanks again to everyone who put this story on their favourites or alerts, and thanks to those who reviewed, you guys always make me smile :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Are We Done Yet?**

The next time she opened her eyes, she could see much better. There were curtains covering the windows, but just enough light managed to enter the room so that Emily could see. She shot up in bed and immediately regretted it. Pain shot up her back and she let out a quiet squeak. Much more slowly now, she swung her legs around and stood.

She found a pair of comfortable slippers on the floor, which fit her feet nicely. They felt as soft and plush as a cloud after being in those boots for an eternity, but they still stung. She slid one foot out of them and then the other and discovered the reason for it. Her feet were covered in blisters and bruises. More than one of her toenails had dried blood underneath.

Groaning, she put the slippers back on. She was sure they would be better than walking around barefoot. She looked down at the nightgown that she was wearing. She was covered up fine, but somehow she doubted she would be allowed out in it. But then, the thought of getting changed with her back hurting like this wasn't too appealing. But she couldn't be cooped up in this room. Just thinking about it was making it harder to breathe. She had to force her hands down to her sides so that she would not pull at the bandages.

Slowly, she made her way to the door and pushed it open. She stuck out her head and looked around. No one was to be seen. She took a step outside her room, but jumped back behind the door when she heard footsteps. She let out a string of curses as she stubbed her toe on the doorframe. Lifting her foot out of the slipper, she inspected the damage. It was bleeding.

Suddenly, the room shook. Emily fell to her knees; it felt like she had just ran into a wall. She was hit by a wave of nausea, and barely managed to keep the contents of her stomach where they belonged. This was worse than the seasickness. She slowly got to her feet and shivered. She was freezing. Wind was blowing in through the window, bringing snow with it.

Frowning, Emily hobbled over to the window on her sore feet. It was _snowing_. If she remembered correctly, it had been lovely outside last time she checked. She made her way back to the bed and wrapped herself up in the covers to keep warm.

Bang. Another brick wall, more nausea, and it was nice out again.

"What the hell is going on?" Emily asked herself. She was startled out of her thoughts when the door to her room swung open. In walked the older woman who she had seen last night.

"What just happened?" Emily asked. "I felt sick, and then all of a sudden it was snowing!"

"It is definitely not snowing, dear," the woman said. She pointed to the window. "See, nothing but blue skies and sunshine today."

"I swear it was snowing. I felt like I was going to be sick right before and right after."

The woman frowned and walked over to her. She placed a hand on her forehead.

"No fever... it must have been a bad dream," she said, shaking her head. "Try to ignore the nightmares, they come with the terrible things in life, you may relive it for a long time to come."

"It wasn't that!" Emily protested. "It was snowing, I swear! I could feel how cold it was."

"Okay dear, if you say so. Now, I think you need some more time in bed before you go anywhere. I will have lunch brought up to you." She turned towards the door.

"Um, thanks," Emily mumbled after her. At least it was a comfortable bed. She could live with one more day in here. Plus, she was sure her feet would prefer the extra rest and time to heal up.

"Oh," the woman said, turning back to face Emily as she left the room. "I found your cousin. She is fine. I told her you were looking for her. She said that she will try to visit soon." With that, she left, closing the door.

Emily nodded, unsure of how she felt about that. She was relieved that Sparkle was okay, but that didn't mean that she particularly wanted to see her in person. Wincing at the pain all over her body, she hobbled back over to her bed and sat down.

Her feet were on fire, and her back and arm were all throbbing. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. A choking sound escaped her mouth as she tried to hold back from crying.

"Shit," she whispered to herself, wiping her eyes on the back of her sleeve. She took a few more deep breaths, and her attention was pulled back into the real world by a knock on the door.

"Come in," she shouted, and the door slowly swung open. In walked Sparkle. She was carrying a covered tray with her.

"Hi, I brought you something to eat." Sparkle smiled weakly and walked over to Emily. "Nice room, someone up there likes you!"

"Thanks," Emily said. Slowly, she lifted herself to a sitting position. Her back and arm were not happy about it, but she managed. Sparkle set the tray down on a bedside table and lifted the cover. There was a steaming bowl of thick soup and some bread. Emily reached for the bowl with her good arm and brought it over to herself. It smelled heavenly.

"Mary-Sue got hurt," Sparkle said, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"Good, she deserved it!" Emily brought a spoonful of soup to her mouth. She hadn't realized how hungry she had been until she started eating. Her stomach growled, and she was more than happy to oblige it and eat some more.

"But, we need her," Sparkle said. "She's the magic one, she's the only one who can take us home. And right now she's unconscious."

Emily's face fell. She swallowed the piece of bread that she was chewing, and then stared at her cousin in shock. She couldn't believe this, and she didn't know how to react. Anger and sadness both ran through her mind.

"What happened?" Emily asked eventually.

"We were trying to catch up to Frodo and Sam, and we ran into some orcs. She told me to go ahead, to try and find the hobbits. She said that she could hold them back no problem, that her magic would be enough. I guess it wasn't, because now she's in really bad shape."

Emily cursed under her breath. She ripped off another piece of bread, dipped it in the soup and ate it. They sat in silence for a few moments, Emily continued to eat, and Sparkle stared at her.

"Aren't you upset by this?"

"Well yeah," Emily replied. "But what do you want me to do? I can scream and yell, but who would that help? I'm not a doctor, I can't just waltz over there and save her..."

"Oh," Sparkle said, and the pair sat through another awkward silence. Eventually Sparkle spoke up again. "I think she's having like... magic nightmares. Whenever she starts talking in her sleep or tossing and turning or something, weird things happen. The room changed colours a few times, and it started snowing earlier, just crazy weird things."

"I saw the snow," Emily said. "I'm glad I wasn't the only one, I thought I may have been going insane.

"What do we do?" Sparkle asked. "We can't just leave her like that."

"I have no idea," Emily replied. "I'm not looking any further ahead than finishing my lunch."

"Don't you think we should have a plan?" Sparkle asked.

"What would we plan?" Emily snapped. "We don't know how long we'll be here, how to get home, or what's going to happen next. I'd say we're pretty screwed in the planning department."

"I don't want to go home!" Sparkle said. "I want to stay and live with Legolas!"

"Are you seriously still on this?" Emily asked, rolling her eyes. "He's nuts! How could you want to be with him?"

"He's a hottie!" Sparkle replied.

"Well, you can stay here, _I_ want to get home." Emily finished the last of her lunch and replaced the bowl on the tray.

"Well then start thinking of a plan," Sparkle said. "You're on your own, I'm perfectly happy here. I do wish I'd gotten a room like this, though. But when Legolas and I are married, everything will be perfect. I'll be spoiled rotten by my wonderful husband..."

"Hey, you wanna help me get up?" Emily asked. "I'm going to go loopy if I'm stuck in here any longer."

"Okay," Sparkle said, getting to her feet. With some direction, she was able to help Emily turn and get to her feet with minimal strain on either girl. She found Emily her slippers and helped her walk out of the room. They turned to the left and began walking slowly.

"Emily," came a shout from behind her.

"Oh no," she said, looking back. Legolas was smiling and he ran up to the two girls.

"I am glad to see you awake," he said. "I was so worried about you! No one would let me into your room, but I have been watching your door to see if you would leave since we returned!"

"That's kinda creepy..." Emily said.

"No it's not," Sparkle said. "Legolas, you could watch me sleep all you wanted."

"Creepy..." Emily mumbled to herself.

"How are you feeling?" Legolas asked.

"Like I got hit by a truck," Emily replied. "But I was about to go crazy cooped up in that room. I had to get out and do something."

"Perhaps later tonight we could spend some time together. Would you join me for dinner?"

"No," Emily said flatly.

"No?" Legolas asked, wearing a sad look on his face. Tears welled up in his eyes.

"What she means is there's _no_ way she'd miss it!" Sparkle said, laughing nervously. Emily narrowed her eyes and was about to protest when Sparkle covered her mouth with a hand. Emily struggled, but just didn't have the energy to put up a fight.

"Well, she'll see you later tonight, okay Legolas? Come pick her up at five. Okay, bye!" Sparkle laughed and walked Emily back to her room.

"What the hell was that about?" Emily demanded once they had gotten inside her room and Sparkle had released her. "Why would I want to go out with him? And why would _you_ want me to?"

"I want you to go out with him, because it's going to be the worst date ever!" Sparkle said, smiling. "At the end of the night, he'll realize that you two are not a good match and he'll fall for me."

"There's no way I'm doing that!" Emily shouted. "I'm not spending time with him. I have my own friends that I want to see, people I want to talk to."

"You don't have a choice," Sparkle said. "You want to get home. Mary-Sue hates you. Don't you think you should try to score some points? She's in charge of this story, she decides who goes home and when."

"Wait, I do this, and you have to get her to send me home _and_ keep Legolas away from me twenty four, seven." Emily said.

"It's a deal!" Sparkle thrust out a hand, which Emily reluctantly took.

"I better not regret this," she said. She was worried that the only thing that Legolas would take from this was that she was interested, and he would only be that much more insistent.

"Don't worry," Sparkle said, waving her hands. "We'll make sure he's so freaked out by the end of the night that he won't be able to talk to you for a long time.

"We don't have much time to get you ready, which is good. I mean, we don't want you to look very good, right? No attracting the enemy."

"Exactly," Emily said. "Hey, I just want to make something clear."

"What's that?" Sparkle asked.

"Just because we're cousins and we're working together right now, does _not_ mean that I forgive you. I'm still pissed as hell."

"Fine," Sparkle said.

* * *

It really hadn't taken a lot to get Emily looking terrible. Her hair was as messy as ever, so they left that alone. She wore brown leggings and a man's tunic (not sure whose, Sparkle had found it) that was a few sizes too big. She loved it; you couldn't even tell she had boobs. She opted not to wear shoes, she thought it made her look dirtier.

Her and Sparkle both looked up from smearing dirt on her clothes when a knock came at the door.

"Remember," Sparkle said, looking her in the eyes. "Do everything you can to push him away. You're a hot mess... try to channel Kesha."

Emily nodded and turned to pull the door open. Sure enough, Legolas was standing there, looking as perfect as ever. Emily rolled her eyes.

"Yo," she said, nodding towards him.

"You look lovely, Emily." Legolas smiled as he took her arm.

"Well thanks," Emily said before letting out a burp. "I got my cousin to pick out all my lice before I left."

"Oh my... lice... perhaps I can give you some tips on proper hair care?" He smiled weakly at her.

"Nah!" Emily said, laughing. "I don't really like washing my hair; it's just a waste of time. What are we eating? I'm starving, I could eat a horse!"

"Well, not horse," he said. "But I do hope it is to your liking." He led her outside to the garden they had been in earlier that day. A table was set up for them. Candles were burning, wine was poured, and the food was served. For a second, Emily felt bad that he had spent all of this energy on this evening, just for her to treat it like a joke. Oh well, you can't win 'em all.

"Ah yummy," Emily said, sitting down. The meal consisted of steak, mashed potatoes and some different vegetables. There was also bread set out. Seemed ahead of its time to Emily, not to mention she hadn't seen any cows roaming around Gondor. But she didn't care. She wasted no time in digging in. Remembering to plant both elbows firmly on the table, chew with her mouth open, use her fork to pick at her teeth, and use her hands instead of cutlery as much as possible, Emily began to devour the meal as quickly as she could.

"You gonna eat that? Mine's a little overdone..." Emily asked, pointing to Legolas' plate. Without waiting for an answer, she stabbed his steak with her fork and took a bite out of the large piece of meat.

"Emily..." Legolas said, giving her a strange look.

"Oh yeah, here, you can have mine," she said, picking up her steak with her fingers and placing it on his plate.

"So, how are you-"

"Man! This is _so_ freaking good! Who cooked this? I want to hire them, 'cause everyone knows I can't cook! I'd fuck up trying to boil water." Emily took another bite of the steak. She did her best to hide a smile. This was actually kind of fun. The astounded looks that Legolas was giving to her more than made up for the spectacle she was making of herself. Thank God they were alone.

"You can cook," Legolas said. "You chopped vegetables for us."

"Luckily no one died from eating that," Emily said. "I could have sworn I heard that carrots could be poisonous if you cut it up wrong... or maybe that's some sort of fish... Anyways, I saw it on The Simpsons, it has to be true."

Legolas sat and stared at her for a moment. Emily continued piling food into her mouth in a very unladylike manner. Eventually he spoke up.

"Emily, I love you." He smiled and reached to take her hand.

"Hold on one second," Emily said. She licked bits of mashed potatoes off of her fingers before reaching out to take his hand. Legolas scrunched his face up, staring at her hand.

"How was your dinner?" Legolas asked. He gave her hand a squeeze.

"It was good, like I said, hire this guy, because I can't cook for shit... What's for dessert?"

"Chocolate cake," he replied. As if on cue, a girl walked out, carrying two plates, which she placed in front of them. She took away all of the other dishes.

"Can you bring me some alcohol?" Emily asked the girl before she left. She replied with a nod and scurried away.

"I love you," Legolas said, smiling. "Wine is a wonderful idea, very romantic."

"I have to admit to you, Legolas, you did a good job with the chocolate cake. I didn't think that this shit existed here, but it's just what I needed. I'm on my rag, and man, I have been craving chocolate like you would not believe for the past three days!" Emily smiled and took a big bite of her cake, making sure to smear some on her face.

"I don't understand. You have a rag, like a dishrag?"

"No, no, no, stupid," Emily said. She took another bite before continuing. "My... er... _flow_."

"I do not understand."

"For fuck's sake I'm bleeding out of my lady parts. Like _heavy_ though. I had to have someone wake me up in the middle of the night last night so that I could change my tampon."

"That is rather... unpleasant," he said, scrunching his face up again at her.

"That's life, though," Emily said, shrugging. "I mean, until menopause. Do elves get menopause? You don't age, so I guess not. Man, periods forever, that would _suck_! I swear, it's worse for guys, though. Us girls, we get used to it, but can you imagine waking up one morning beside this girl you've just started sleeping with and then all you can see is-"

"Wine, I brought your wine!" Emily smiled and took the bottle from the girl. She gave her a polite thank you before turning to Legolas, bottle still in hand.

"You didn't want anything?" Emily asked. Without taking her eyes off of him, she took a long drink from the bottle, and then slammed it down on the table.

Legolas frowned he closed his eyes and muttered something to himself.

"Hey," Emily said, taking another drink. "No secrets at the dinner table! My momma always taught me that."

"I was just... uh... telling myself how beautiful you look under the night sky." Legolas smiled.

"Nah, I'm not pretty," Emily said. "You know who is? My cousin is really pretty. You should ask her out. You guys would make a great couple."

"You think so?" Legolas asked.

"Yeah, of course you would. You both have silly hair and prance about like nincompoops." She took another drink. "But, don't tell her I told you this, okay?" Emily took another long drink, leaned towards him and grinned. She could feel the alcohol getting to her head.

"Um... okay," Legolas replied.

"That girl is underage. If you have sex with her, I swear I will castrate you." Emily said simply. "Well, you know what, actually?" One more big drink.

"What?" Legolas asked eventually.

"I'm really mad at her," Emily replied. "So you can fuck her all you want, but for the sake of all that is good in this world, _do not_ impregnate that girl. Neither of you are fit to be parents."

"Emily, I do not know if I could touch her, I'm so confused about how I feel." He sighed and stood, extending his hand towards her. "Would you care to walk with me?"

"Sure thing!" Emily said, taking the wine bottle in one hand and Legolas' hand in the other. "Where're we goin'?"

"To see the flowers," Legolas said. "Perhaps look up at the stars and decide what our destiny shall be."

And so they walked through the gardens hand-in-hand. Legolas was walking slowly, staring up at the sky. Beside him, Emily was trying not to fall over, staring down at her feet. She finished the last of the bottle, but peeked inside it just to be sure.

"Let's dance," Legolas said, taking a hold of her and spinning her towards him. Before Emily could say anything in protest, she felt the nausea hit her. Turning, she threw up into a rosebush. Legolas did the scrunched face thing again.

"Why d'you make thaa face?" Emily asked, laughing. "Gimme a napkinin..."

"Pardon?"

"A _napkin_, goddamn it! Fer muh face!"

"Oh, here," he said, handing her a hankie. Emily wiped her face off and spit on the ground. She dropped the hankie on the ground when she was finished.

"So..." Emily said, getting close to him. She placed her free hand (she was still holding onto that empty bottle) on his chest and wrapped the other arm around his neck. "Look... I'm havin' trouble wif this _love_ thin... but I am kinda lonely..." Emily looked up into his eyes, smiling.

"You know what? That would be wrong, you are not well." Legolas pushed her away. Emily couldn't believe it. All this time, and it was this easy. "I would not feel right, taking advantage of you like this. But I promise not to get your cousin pregnant."

"You better not!" Emily yelled at him. "I already told you I'd castrate you!" Suddenly, she fell to her knees. It was that feeling again, like before it had started to snow.

Slowly, and trying her best not to fall over, she got to her feet. Legolas pulled her up by her arm. The garden was filled with elves, some of whom looked content, others confused. Legolas shoved her into the arms of the closest elf. Lucky for Emily elves have quick reflexes and he caught her before she fell to the ground.

"She's your problem, now," Legolas said before taking off. Emily looked up at the elf who was holding her. She dropped the wine bottle on the ground, but once the surprise wore off, a huge smile broke out on her face.

"Well," he said, looking down at her, a mixture of amusement, confusion and something else on his face. It slowly turned to a smile. "Some things never change..."

* * *

Any guesses who it is? I don't think it's much of a mystery. The next chapter will be up soon!

So, finally i got some laughs in here! Sorry it's been serious for a while, but it had to be done, I just couldn't bring myself to write jokes about people going to war. Plus, I think Emily's grown up quite a bit, and realizes there are serious moments to life. Remember, she was only 18 when she got to Middle-earth, so she's been in part of the prime growing-up time in her life.

Thanks for reading! I love you all! If you enjoyed, why not send me a review and let me know? ;) :P


	12. Chapter 12

**Are We Done Yet?**

_So I failed. I forgot I posted this chapter so I've been revising and adding to it instead of writing a new chapter. I'm posting this new version because I like the changes I made (they are all very small, and do not affect the plot at all) and then I will immediately go work on the new chapter! Look for it by Monday at the latest! Pinkie swear!_

When she finally found the courage to open her eyes, Emily found herself in a bright, noisy room. A year ago, before she'd spent so much time in danger, she would have said that she felt like she was going to die. She slowly brought her good arm up to her head, laying a hand on her pounding forehead. It was covered in sweat and her hair was knotted.

"What were you thinking? You could have killed yourself!" The woman who had been taking care of her, whose name Emily realized she still didn't know, was scolding her. She looked pissed.

"Wha-?"

"I give you permission to go out for a walk, not to drink yourself silly and come back in worse shape than you left! And what kind of woman are you, drinking like that and going on like that? You are lucky you have no family, or they may disown you!"

"Stop yelling at me!" Emily shouted back, trying not to cry. She could barely remember last night, her head hurt, she felt like she was going to throw up, her back was burning and some woman was telling her that her family was going to disown her.

"You showed up here," the woman said. "Your stitches were torn and you could not walk for all the wine you had. To top it all off, you were too close for any reputable lady to be to any male, elf or man or whatever you may chose."

"What? Who? Please tell me it wasn't Legolas." Emily suddenly felt very embarrassed at the thought of making a fool of herself in front of him. He seemed like such a silly prick, that to look stupid to him meant to look about as smart as a goldfish.

"No, but you know it would to you a world of good to just marry him. If you keep up with the spectacles like that, soon no one will want you. You should-"

"Yeah, yeah," Emily cut in. "I'm going to be a lonely spinster until the day I die."

"How did you even carry on for so long in the shape you are in? You are _not_ to even think about getting out of bed until you are well enough to do so. Someone will bring you your meals, and be in to check on you later. I have fixed your stitches, lucky you had so much to drink you slept through it. You have new bandages, and I will be beyond cross if I need to fix them again before tomorrow."

"I get it," Emily mumbled. "I'm in big trouble."

"I will have some soup sent to you later. You are not to leave this room under _any_ circumstances. Do you understand me?"

"Yes," Emily said eventually, looking anywhere but at the woman who, seeming satisfied with Emily's response, quickly turned and left the room.

She knew that she should have taken a long time to think about what she had done, to reflect on how wrong she was, but Emily could only think of going back to sleep. And that is what she did.

It wasn't until a few hours later that she was interrupted by a young girl trying to wake her.

"What?" Emily asked, pushing the girl's hand off of her shoulder.

"Your lunch," she said in a quiet voice. "I know you are quite ill, so I brought you some soup."

"Hmph," Emily huffed. "Well, thanks, but I'm not very hungry. You know, I feel like my stomach is going to jump out my throat and all."

"No, I do not know," the girl said. "I do not... um... have adventures like you do."

"Oh," Emily said. "What's your name?"

"Meril," the girl replied. "It's not that I'm boring, I just never had the opportunity that you did."

"You're lucky!' Emily said. "I never wanted all of these things to happen to me! I'm sure you've seen the scars I have, every last one of them hurt like hell. I've been shot with an arrow, had a concussion, sliced at with swords, none of it was fun."

"But, to spend your evening with the elves and to come back here in the arms of one, it must be like a dream. And he was so handsome!" Meril sighed, staring off out the window.

"What? Was it Legolas? I thought I threw him off. Please don't tell me anything happened," Emily said.

"No, no, Gwen said what's what and took care of you. He said that he would come back later to see if you were okay."

"Please tell me it wasn't Legolas..."

"No, no," Meril said. "You do not remember? Actually, I am not surprised. He had dark hair, I do not remember much, it was dark and I only saw him briefly before Gwen sent me off for bandages and water."

"One of the twins?" Emily asked. They would have helped her, Emily was sure.

"Perhaps," Meril said.

"Emily," came a soft voice from the door. It was Sparkle, looking rather down. Her messy hair was hastily tied up, and her eyes seemed to have lost some of their abnormal shine. She was dressed in a simple linen dress, which didn't look bad, but was a far cry from the outlandish outfits she was usually in.

"What is it?" Emily asked, not even looking up.

"Can I come in?"

"Sure," Emily replied, staring at the bowl of soup. It was starting to get cold. It wasn't a big deal, she felt too sick to eat, anyways.

"I wanted to come ask you about last night." Sparkle slowly approached her, sitting on the edge of her bed. "How'd it go?"

Meril made as if she was going to leave, but Emily grabbed her arm.

"Stay for a while... Don't leave me alone with her," Emily said. Then she turned to Sparkle. "I can't remember everything, but I think he hates me now. I may have almost thrown up on him."

"Hm," Sparkle said, staring off into space. "He hasn't come to see me yet... Eat your soup."

"I'm not hungry," Emily said. "Plus I have the hangover from hell. I really don't feel like eating."

"Too bad, you need to regain your strength," Sparkle said. Emily rolled her eyes.

"She is right," Meril said. "You need to eat, just a little bit."

"Have you _never_ had a bad hangover?" Emily asked.

"Well... no..." Meril said quietly.

"I'm _magic_ I don't get sick." Sparkle huffed.

"And just when it seemed like you were getting normal, out pops the magic comments." Emily rolled her eyes.

"Here," Meril said. She began rearranging the pillows and helped Emily sit up. "I will brush your hair, it is a mess. No girl wants messy hair."

"Thanks," Emily said, trying to make it sound genuine.

"You need to look good, people are asking to see you, you know."Sparkle moved so that she could watch Meril's work. "That cranky old lady told me you're not allowed to have any company until you eat, though. So you may want to re-evaluate your refusal of your soup."

"So what are you doing here if I can't have company? And who wants to see me in this state?" Emily asked, finally taking a small sip of the broth. It tasted good, but her stomach started flip-flopping. Meril took the bowl from her when she saw the pained look on her face.

"I'm a helper, not a guest," Sparkle replied. "And I don't know them, but don't worry it's not like people are lined up out there, they've just been asking. It's all your elf friends. Why they care so much about you and not me is beyond me, but they do. At least Legolas hasn't been around."

"Hm, I can't see why they aren't falling head over heels for you," Emily quipped. Meril snickered, but returned to her work. "But seriously, you look like crap today."

"I didn't sleep well last night, for your information."

"Is she any better?" Emily asked eventually.

"No," Sparkle said. "She's still out cold. Last night she had another nightmare. It was weird, she was tossing and turning in bed and then all of a sudden, there were elves here. Like, more than before, _lots_ more."

Emily closed her eyes, an image from the previous night popped into her head. She was in the garden with Legolas, no, it wasn't Legolas, and there were elves walking around everywhere, it seemed. So many of them had looked confused. She was leaning on someone, her legs were wobbly, and they were holding her up.

"Emily, are you okay?" Meril asked, putting the brush down. "Your hair is done."

"Yeah I'm fine; I just thought I was remembering some of last night. I remember seeing confused elves."

"Yes, Mary-Sue brought them here in her sleep." Sparkle said. "You should have seen maids and housekeepers running around trying to get rooms ready for them. It was chaos! And then you and your friend come waltzing in here, setting a bad reputation for us. I mean, how am I supposed to find a man when my cousin is the girl who's stumbling home with someone she can't even remember?"

"I was drunk!" Emily protested. "And it's not like anything happened! _You're_ the one who's out to get some, not me! I just want to get home, thank you very much!"

"I do not just want _some; _I want Legolas because I love him." Sparkle retorted.

"Meril says that nothing happened. He brought me here, Gwen took care of me."

"Yeah," Sparkle said. "You know that, he knows that, and Meril and Gwen know that. What about everyone else? As far as anyone important is concerned, my cousin is a whore!"

"Anyone important in my eyes would be the people who are decent enough to believe me!"

"There was so much going on last night," Meril said. "I doubt anyone would have noticed or paid too much attention."

"Well, even so, did you see the look on his face?" Sparkle asked. "He looked like he expected as much from her, he even seemed amused with her antics!"

"Wait," Emily said, grabbing Sparkle's arm. "Why are the elves here?"

"It's Elrond and all them; they're here for the wedding, but shhh..." Sparkle gave both of them a meaningful look. "I think it's supposed to be a surprise. I love surprise parties. I hope Mary-Sue's better by then so she can magic me up a beautiful dress..."

Sparkle continued on, but Emily wasn't listening. She'd started laughing.

"Help me up," she said to Meril.

"Why? Gwen said that you are not to leave this room for anything today! Lie down, you will hurt yourself!"

"Sparkle?" Emily asked, extending a hand and nudging her cousin.

"No way, I might not like you very much, but I won't help you hurt yourself." And with that she turned and left the room.

"Whatever," Emily said, slowly swinging her legs over the edge of the bed.

"Please, lay down," Meril said. She grabbed Emily's legs and swung them back up on the bed. Emily gasped and swore and shouted as the bruises all over her body throbbed. Meril jumped away, apologizing profusely.

"I am so sorry, I did not even think of your injuries!"

"I'm fine," Emily said. "I've been through worse."

"You may be cranky, but you keep a good outlook," Meril said.

"Oh, my life is shit right now, Meril. My home is a million miles away, I can't sleep because I have nightmares,I just know that complaining won't get me anywhere."

"Well, for what is may be worth, thank you," Meril said quietly.

"Thanks," Emily said. "Now can you please help me up? I believe I have someone very important to see."

"May it go on record that I do not approve," Meril said, handing her a housecoat. "But in interest of you not getting hurt, I will help where I must."

"I like you," Emily said, slipping her arms into the housecoat and wrapping it around herself.

Both girls jumped and looked up when the door was opened. Sparkle had returned with a pleased look on her face and her arms crossed over her chest.

"This is my good deed to you for the year. Like I said, I don't like you, but I don't want you to get hurt. I figure you staying here would be the best. Plus I kinda owe you for last night." She walked over and whispered something to Meril.

"Is that really such a good idea?"

"It's fine," Sparkle said. "Look, she even finished her soup so Gwen can't complain." Sparkle picked up the bowl and slurped up the soup. She opened the door and peeked out, motioning for the guest to follow her. Emily wondered why she was being so nice, but decided to let it go without questioning.

Sparkle opened the door and let the visitor enter the room.

"Sorry I got so drunk on you," Emily said with a laugh.

"An apology for drinking too much? Coming from the girl who got me locked in a cellar with nothing better to do than drink wine? I thought I would never see the day!"

"Oh, shut up, Erestor!" Emily said. She laughed and threw her good arm around him in a hug.


	13. Chapter 13

**Are We Done Yet?**

Emily pulled away from him, smiling like a fool. It had taken a while for the pair to become friends while Emily was at Rivendell, but they eventually had, perhaps because they were some of the only sane ones there.

"Would you care to tell me what happened to you last night?"

"Not really," Emily said.

"Well, too bad, I am ready for the story." He had pulled up a stool and was sitting by her bedside.

"Do not begin without me. I would just _love_ to hear how you managed to get yourself into trouble while you can hardly walk."

"Hi Haldir," Emily said, rolling her eyes. "I was not in trouble... I would have been okay... Fine, it's a very specific blend of alcohol and determination. Once you drink enough, stuff just doesn't hurt anymore."

"I never got the full story either," Sparkle said. "You know I expect a full report."

"I give up," Haldir said, shaking his head. "You are so stubborn, it is a miracle you are still alive."

"Or well-timed rescues," Erestor added.

"My stubbornness is probably the only reason that I _am_ alive today, thank you very much." Emily replied. "And you two need to stop ganging up on me. May I tell my story now?" She took the following silence as a yes.

"Well, as you should know, Sparkle is my crazy cousin and is absolutely in love with Legolas. He's still harassing the fuck out of me. So, she had the idea that the best way to get Legolas is for me to get rid of him, I guess so she could swoop in and steal him. She tells me that I should actually go out with him, and then be so horrible that he would want nothing to do with me. I dressed like a bum and went out for dinner in the garden with him. Of course, kudos goes out to Sparkle for helping me to look as horrible as I possibly could.

"I ate like a pig, I burped, I scratched myself, I swore, I was a total disgusting freak. I even talked about my period, and man did I drink. I think I may have had an entire bottle of wine... or two. I mean, it was delicious, I didn't even realize I was getting drunk until- bang- it was too late."

Erestor started to laugh, which turned into a cough when Emily shot him a look.

"Now, where was I? Oh yes, so we were having dinner and I was doing a very good job at being disgusting. Plus, I kept planting the idea that he should ask out my cousin. It was going well. Throwing up into a bush was just like the icing on the cake. By the end of the evening, I'm willing to bet he was so disgusted that he won't speak to me again for a very long time."

"So let me get this straight," Haldir said. "You threw up in a bush, had to be put to bed like a child, yet consider this a victory?"

"I have no shame. I woke up the other day with almost no clothes on and bandages all over myself. This girl," she pointed to Meril, "has probably seen all my business. Sorry, didn't mean to put you on the spot there. But let me tell you something, a long time in the wilderness does not do good things for a girl."

"Speak for yourself," Sparkle said. "If anything, I consider myself more attractive after that ordeal. Guys love girls with baggage."

"No, guys love fucking girls with baggage and then never calling them, sweetie," Emily quipped back.

"Legolas would never do that to me!" Sparkle huffed.

"And welcome to my life, ladies and gentlemen," Emily muttered. "I have been dealing with this crap for way too long."

"Do you need to sleep?" Meril asked. Emily turned to look at her. She had been so quiet that Emily had nearly forgotten that she was standing beside her.

"No, I'm fine. So, Erestor, when, why and how did you get here?"

"We left just yesterday. After barely an hour the ground shook, there was a flash of light, and then the next thing I knew Legolas was throwing a drunken girl at me. It was quite a strange welcome, if I do say so myself. They sure have an odd way of doing things here..."

"You are just so precious," Emily said flatly. "Have you ever considered a career in comedy?"

"I told you Mary-Sue's dream brought the elves here," Sparkle said.

"Mary-Sue is the girl behind all the crazy shit," Emily explained to Erestor. "She hallucinates in her dreams and now crazy shit just happens all the time."

"She is terrible," Haldir whispered to Erestor.

"She is wonderful," Sparkle snapped at him. "You just can't realize it because you're not magical like me."

"And this," Emily gestured towards Sparkle, "has been my life over the past months. Not to mention the near death experiences. Everything has just been so peachy."

"Did he say anything about me? Sparkle asked. "Legolas, I mean. Finish telling me about him. Isn't he dreamy?"

"Meril," Emily said, gently grabbling a hold of the girl's arm. "Please, just kill me now."

"That is not funny," Meril replied. "Besides, Gwen would have my head if I let anything happen to you." She smiled at Emily, who laughed briefly before her aching body convinced her to stop. She frowned and took a slow, deep breath.

"You should rest," Meril said, patting Emily lightly on the shoulder. "I would be glad to find you all when she is feeling better."

"Of course," Erestor said. "We should appreciate this time. Soon enough she will be back to her insufferable self."

"Thanks a lot," Emily said, smiling. She was sad to see them go, but Meril was right, she needed sleep.

Haldir followed Erestor to the door, but their exit was blocked by a moody blonde who was standing in the doorway.

"You!" Legolas shouted at Erestor.

"Yes, me," he replied with an exasperated sigh. "Hello, Legolas. I suppose I must extend some sort of courteous greeting to you."

"Save it, buddy," Legolas said. "I'm heartbroken! And I never liked you to begin with!"

"Legolas!" Sparkle jumped up and ran over to him, throwing her arms around his neck in a hug. He squirmed for a minute, trying to look around her at Emily.

"Emily, I wanted to talk to you about us." He took a step forward, Sparkle still hanging around his neck like some sort of really large, really tacky necklace.

"What do you want?" Emily asked. "I'm trying to sleep."

"You aren't the girl I fell in love with, Emily." Legolas sighed.

"Is no one going to, you know, try to get him out of here?" Emily asked. She shot a glare at Haldir and Erestor, who were watching the scene with looks of amusement on both of their faces.

"This is too much fun," Haldir said.

"Emily, I will always have a special place in my heart for you. I feel like, I love you, but I'm not in love with you. Maybe we've gotten _too_ close. There's no more mystery or intrigue left."

"Oh no. How will I ever go on?" Emily asked flatly. "Can I sleep now?"

"I mean," Legolas continued, "I feel like we've grown as much as we can with each other. After seeing you get drunk and throw up into those bushes, it was like a switch got flipped in my brain." Legolas stared at his feet while Haldir and Erestor held back laughter. Sparkle had let go of Legolas' neck, but she was still squished right up beside him.

"Legolas, if you're breaking up with me, that's cool. Just go, I need a nap."

"Emily," he said. "I see the world has other plans for us. Maybe one day fate will cause our paths to once again cross."

"Everyone, listen up!" Meril shouted. "Unless you belong here, get out of this room and lock the door behind you! The doctor's orders are plenty of rest and quiet, and there is no way that will happen with you all crowding in here. Shoo!"

"Legolas!" Sparkle exclaimed, squishing herself up even closer to the elf. "Why don't you tell me all about how heartbroken you are? I can help comfort you, I bet." She took his arm and quickly led him out of the room. Legolas didn't make any protest.

"Thanks for visiting," Emily said to the remaining company. They exchanged quick goodbyes and left the room. Emily smiled and got back into bed. Meril pulled a blanket up over her and crossed the room to close the curtains. They were thick and heavy and, although they didn't block all of the light, the room became considerably darker with them pulled shut.

"Get some rest; I will wake you in time for dinner."

"Thanks," Emily said, smiling.

"Of course," Meril said. She returned a smile, and left the room, softly closing the door behind her.

Emily stared up at the ceiling. It didn't take her very long to fall asleep, even though it couldn't have been much later than noon.


	14. Chapter 14

**Are We Done Yet?**

Emily smiled, running her hands through her hair. She closed her eyes and turned her face up, feeling the summer sun beating down. It was a beautiful day, and the first in weeks that she had been allowed outside. Things were finally getting closer to normal, but every so often Mary-Sue would throw a fit about something or other and things would start to spin out of control. The girls had spent hours arguing and shouting, which only increased the chaos. Out of respect for the inhabitants for Middle-earth that only wanted sanity, Emily was now trying her best to hold back her anger.

The past three weeks had been spent in bed. After her foray out to dinner with Legolas, Emily had been put in lockdown mode. Luckily she had spent most of that time sleeping, or else she was sure she would have been getting hell from everyone; she'd ripped the stitches in her back. After a couple of days they had let her get up to pee in a bucket instead of a beadpan, which she figured was a little bit more dignified. But it didn't help that Meril had had to hold her hands while she squatted the first couple of times. A week after that she could walk through the hallways, only a few steps back and forth, but it was something. She would spend those minutes talking to whoever could spare a few minutes. Now they were letting her outside, and if she hadn't still been in such bad shape, Emily was sure she would be plotting her escape. But for now, she was just happy to be walking with Meril. They had spotted Haldir and Emily was making her way over to him with a big smile on her face.

"Don't hurt yourself," Meril said quietly.

"I'm fine, Meril. I missed the sun..."

"Well, just be careful. Every moment that we spend tending to you because you were careless could be a moment someone else is dying of an unattended infection or a terrible bleed..."

"I know," Emily said with a sigh. She had knows that she was being an irresponsible shit when Meril, the nicest, quietest girl she'd met here was scolding her.

"Come back in thirty minutes or I will send Gwyn after you," Meril said. Emily returned her small smile before the girl left.

"I see they let you out of the dungeon?" Haldir asked.

"Yes, I'm finally free, but I'm on strict orders not to hurt myself again. Three weeks in bed for some scratches on my back and arm!" Emily laughed.

"Emily I saw what you did to yourself, and they should have tied you down. Men have died of less. If you had gotten those infected..."

"Please, let's just talk about something happy? Please..." Emily frowned, staring at her feet. "I know I fucked up."

"Well, I am just happy to have you up and alive. You need to have a talk with that cousin of yours."

"What god-forsaken awfulness is she up to now?" Emily asked, rolling her eyes. "I'm not supposed to do anything stressful, you know."

"Oh, nothing more than her usual antics," he replied. "She spends her days chasing Legolas and her nights crying for him to come to her. I'm surprised you have gotten so much sleep with the spectacle she makes."

"Of for fuck's sake," Emily scoffed. "I don't know how to deal with her shit. I've tried. She won't listen to reason."

"This one could sleep through the end of the world."

"Probably," Emily said. She turned to smile at Erestor.

"But in all honesty," Erestor said. "Find a way to control her. She spends her days and nights pining after him. It is only a matter of time before one of the men becomes too bold and assumes..."

"It is lucky she follows Legolas around so closely, she is never alone! Either that or she is with the other one..."

"Don't even bring her up," Emily said. "I can't wait to get the hell out of here. Not that, I mean... what I mean..." She looked up a second too late, and neither of them was looking at her. "Sorry," she mumbled.

Haldir excused himself shortly afterwards. Emily hardly noticed, she was too busy staring out at the sky. They were so high up. She had hardly spent any time staring out the small window she had, but now that she was outside, walking through the fresh air, she could stare down at the rings of the city. People were always moving, cleaning and repairing what damage they could. Her eyes dropped further down to the black, burning piles on the fields that stretched out below. Erestor followed her gaze.

"They will burn until nothing is left, or animals carry them off for dinner," Erestor said. "Though I wonder if even they would touch orc-meat."

"I don't even notice the smell anymore..." Emily said quietly. "I think I should go back inside, the sun is starting to go down, I'm sure I've passed my time limit." Erestor nodded and they walked in silently.

"You know," she said once they were inside. "I didn't mean to be rude. This place is perfect for you all who know what's going on, but I'm a fish out of water here. If Mary-Sue ever stops going crazy and I get to go home, I'll miss you all terribly. It's just, I know I had her help staying alive as long as I did, and now I have no idea what I'm supposed to do."

"Quiet," Erestor said. "We know what you meant. Our people do not belong here either. It is only a matter of time before we cross the sea. Now, go dream about your home and in the morning you can come eat with us all and tell us about it. Glorfindel has been asking of you. He has been very busy, but concerned."

"Thanks," Emily whispered before retreating to her room. She closed the door softly and tiptoed over to her bed. She was just about to slip under the covers when she heard Gwyn's voice.

"I will eat my words the day you learn to follow direction." Gwyn shook her head and walked over. She stood over Emily, staring down at her, a strange look on her face. "At least you have the sense to go to bed, you may learn yet. Your stubborn head will get you nowhere here. The war is over; there is no need for a woman who would ride into battle with men and elves. I have arranged for some ladies to come and visit you tomorrow. Should the king decide to honor you by marrying you to some small lord, they can teach you how to behave. If not, I can always use a spare set of hands. Meril will come and help you get ready in the morning."

"What are you talking about?" Emily asked. She was sitting up in bed, refusing to lay down until this discussion was over. "I'm not marrying anyone, I'm going home."

"I never said you were, I said _if_. You are pretty enough, plain enough not to be ugly, I guess. But you are a strong-headed woman alone, with too many male friends. Perhaps the king will reward you for your deeds, which would surely bring suitors calling. Most other women here have nothing after their husbands or fathers died at war. You wouldn't even need that. If he so much as praises your deeds publicly, all those men too cowardly to go to war would be after you. Perhaps if they married you, he would forgive them that, hm?"

"You are _completely_ missing the point here," Emily said. "I want to go _home_!"

"Do not raise your voice with me, child!" Gwyn shouted. "I kept you from death's doors and now I am setting you up for a life of success. You should be thanking me. Most low-born girls would die for this opportunity. Now, go to sleep before I change my mind." She spun on her heel and stormed out of the room, leaving Emily to stare and wonder what had caused the sudden nasty change in her attitude. Once the door was closed, she let out a long breath.

"I'm not most girls," she whispered. She closed her eyes and filled her head with images of home. She remembered her parents taking her to Disneyworld when she was eight. She'd met Goofy and Minnie Mouse. She remembered starting college, nervous as hell, finally meeting friends, and all the nights they'd spent out dancing or at a diner, drinking coffee and talking. She remembered the first time her dad had taken her out to drive. It had been snowing out and she had crept down to the end of their street, where she sat for five minutes, too worried to drive in the snow. But she'd done it eventually.

But, when she finally fell asleep it wasn't home that she dreamed of.

It was still in the small hours of the morning when her shouts rang throughout the quiet room. Surprisingly, it was Sparkle who was the first to come wondering what had happened.

"Emily!" Sparkle gasped at her cousin, who was on the floor by her bed, clutching her shoulder. Tears were running down her face. She'd stopped shouting, but didn't look like she was getting up anytime soon.

"Fuck!" Emily said to herself. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

"Get her help," Sparkle shouted over her shoulder. Emily peered up. It was Legolas. She decided she didn't want to know what those two could have been doing together at this hour. But he silently did as she asked. He didn't have to go far, though. The one good thing about having a room near the elves was none of them slept very soundly. Help was only a shout away.

"Emily, look at me!" She wrenched her eyes open and saw Haldir and Sparkle both in front of her. Panic shot through her and she scrambled to push herself across the floor and away from them with her feet. Tears were still falling down her cheeks, and she was as confused as she was afraid.

"Don't, don't, don't," she repeated, moving away from them. "Please, don't..."

"Emily, were you dreaming?" Haldir asked. "What happened?" He reached out to touch the arm she was cradling, but she only started sobbing harder. And that set Sparkle off bawling as well.

"What happened?" Erestor was at the door.

"Dreams," Haldir said. "I fear her fever is back. She will not let me touch her. I think she fell, and her shoulder has been knocked out of place before..."

"Emily," Erestor said, walking over to her slowly. "Shh... I need you to stand up."

"Don't let them hurt me... I'm sorry..."

"It is okay, no need to be sorry. I want to fix your shoulder." He turned to the others. "The cousin can stay, the rest of you go."

Sparkle stood at the back of the room a second after Haldir and Legolas left before slipping out. Is Emily had been in the right frame of mind, she would have demanded to know what the girl was up to, but she could barely think straight at the moment.

She was starting to calm down, taking in ragged breaths of air. He took a hold of her good arm and helped her to her feet.

"Tell me about your dream," he said as he gently felt her shoulder. "How did you do this to yourself?" It was definitely popped out, which is a relatively easy fix. He just hoped that she would take it easy and not hurt herself further.

"I was so confused; everything was so loud and so messy. I saw myself. I was fighting. It was like going back in time and watching myself. All I could hear was screaming and crying. People were dying, there were so many... I saw Haldir, and he turned and looked at me. He ran right up to me and stabbed me in the gut. I... I looked down and I was bleeding. Disgusting, black blood was falling from me. I woke up, fell and tried to catch myself, but I hurt my arm again... I want to forget it..."

"You are awake now," he said. "And you are strong. You cannot let this haunt you. The dreams will stop one day. If you ever need to talk, come to any one of us. Ready?" She had her arm hanging by her side, and he was holding her forearm so that it was bent and facing him.

"Yes," she said quietly. She slammed her eyes shut when he started moving her arm back and forth. She would have yelled if not for the sweet relief that she felt after a couple of movements back and forth. With a loud click, her shoulder fell back into place and her pain began to fade. He placed a hand on the shoulder and helped her roll it backwards and forwards a couple of times.

"Well that certainly puts a damper on plans, doesn't it?" Emily asked with a sour smile on her face.

"And what plans were those?"

"Anything that would take me away from here," she replied. "Gwyn says that my options are either get some money from the king and buy and husband or work for her... She's pretty convinced I think that I'll get something. She set up a playdate for me tomorrow with some proper ladies, she says."

"Who would she have you marry?" Erestor asked.

"I don't know. The way she puts it, there's so many girls left with nothing at all, that if Aragorn so much as smiled at me, much less gave me anything, they'd be lining up. I don't want to get married here, to someone I don't know."

"It is the way of men," Erestor replied. "Though I do not hold your weariness against you. I have always found it an odd way. They marry for politics and schemes, nothing worth living for. But I do not doubt that you will be well taken care of."

"I don't want to be taken care of. I want to take care of myself! That's why I have to get away from here!"

"Shh, no one will let you be married to some horrible man. Now stop shouting or Gwyn will be here in an instant. It can only be a miracle that she has not shown up yet. Sit here, I will go find something to use as a sling for your arm." He smiled and left at a quick pace.

Emily sat down on the edge of her bed. She brought her good arm up to touch her shoulder. It already felt so much better. It was hard to believe something that hurt that badly could be fixed so easily. She tried to keep her mind off of this marriage business, but it was hard. She pushed the thoughts down and out of her mind. Only Gwyn had brought it up, for all she knew the old woman was crazy, or upset at the nuisance Emily had been and wanted to scare some sense into her. She looked up as the door swung open, but it wasn't Erestor that stood there.

"Get dressed and come with me," Elrohir whispered before gently closing the door again. Emily got up and, as quickly as she could, took off her nightclothes and pulled on clean underclothes. _What was he doing here?_ Emily asked herself. _Did Erestor tell him about the wedding scheme? Are they going to sneak me out of here?_ She doubted it, but just in case, she dressed in men's clothing. Breeches were much better for running away in than a skirt. To her relief, though her shoulder still ached dully, her back felt nearly good as new. She'd snuck a peek in the mirror, and though the skin was fresh and pink in some areas, the cuts were all closed up. She nodded at herself in approval and opened the door.

"Lovely ensemble," Elrohir said with a grin. He nodded at her arm and lifted up a large piece of cloth, which he tied into a crude sling. "It should be fine so long as you don't go trying to use it."

"Where are we going?" Emily asked.

"There is a wedding coming soon, the entire city is celebrating. Come sit and talk with us."

"Thank you," Emily said. With a smile, she followed him out into the hallway.

_I know right? You're all freaking out that I actually updated this story. I promise it is not abandoned. I just need to figure out how to finish it. Oops. I guess I should have figured that out a while ago. I promise I'm back into it now. I had a big move shortly after posting the last chapter and life has been so hectic since. But now I'm going to buckle down and get into it! I promise!_


	15. Chapter 15

**Are We Done Yet?**

_Don't be angry that I never update, be happy that I'm alive. Please bear with me as I share some quick things with you before we get to the story:  
1. Please go vote on the poll for this story. I don't know where to go with the next sequel, and I need YOU GUYS to help me! You can find it on my profile at the very top.  
2. If you are interested in my I'm-so-sorry-please-still-love-me sob stories you can also head over to my profile for that.  
3. Anyone interested in beta-reading the upcoming sequels? They won't be ready for a while! But in exchange for your help you get to read the chapters earlier, PLUS help me decide what to do! But guys I want someone who will be seriously involved and really be into it. I know it's a lot to ask, so in return maybe I could do the same for you if you are working on a story? Message me and we can talk! I'm also re-writing the first instalment to make it a bit smarter, so let me know if you are interested in those.  
4. If anyone would care to correct me on my knowledge of the layout of Minas Tirith please feel free. I tried to review, couldn't find the info I wanted quickly enough (too impatient I guess) so I googled! Please let me know if I've made an oops.  
Onwards!_

"So tomorrow I'm supposed to be reporting for doctor duty or something," Emily said with a sigh.

"Well then, no more to drink for you," Elrohir said with a grin.

"I said I was _supposed to_, I never said I _would_," Emily clarified with a smile. She protectively clutched the glass of wine in her hands and took a sip.

"That woman is foul," Erestor said. "If you want to upset her, be my guest, but do not tell her it was our wine that kept you in bed all day with a headache!"

Emily laughed along with the small group around her. She was thankful for this moment. They had gathered in one of the smaller halls of Minas Tirith. A fire was burning and they were enjoying wine and informal music, mostly songs being practiced for the upcoming wedding. Sitting here with them almost felt like home. They did all that they could to welcome her, but in the back of her head she wondered if it was out of a feeling of obligation because of all that had happened to her had started at Rivendell. But that wasn't what she needed to be worrying about now.

Lindir soon had the group of them laughing as he tried to brainstorm rhyming words. Emily didn't understand the elvish words, but when Glorfindel laughed so hard he nearly spit up his drink, she found herself laughing, too. But suddenly, she was the only one. She turned her head to see what had caused the sudden quiet to come over the room.

Sparkle and Legolas were standing at the door to the room. They were both smiling nervously.

"Hello, everyone," Sparkle said quietly.

"Sorry, cuz," Emily said. "This is a drinking party and you aren't old enough to come in."

"Very funny," Sparkle said. "I am a woman. I have fought battles and gone on great adventures. I have found my true love and-"

"You're sixteen," Emily interrupted. "Don't finish that sentence unless you want me to call up Chris Hansen."

"Who?" Sparkle asked, rolling her eyes.

"Exactly, get out. Take Mr. To-Catch-A- Predator with you. You guys have caused me enough grief." She peered into her glass and, after a brief pause in which she imagined her impending, substance-dependant future, took another sip.

"Emily," Sparkle said, moving away from Legolas. "I want us to be close. I know I stole your boyfriend and that's not cool because we're family, but-" she cleared her throat and began in a louder voice, to be heard over Elrohir's hoots of laughter. "But, the point is we are family, and I want us to be close."

"No," Emily said, enjoying the confidence the wine brought her. She gestured to the group around her. "_We_ are family... I got all my sisters and me... Fuck I wish just one other person could have understood that. We could have had a musical moment, here."

"You're weird," Sparkle said.

"And you're a party crasher," Emily said. "And I can't help but notice that you only want to be friendly now that you've caught your little boyfriend."

"Emily, that's not fair. You knew I loved him..."

"Look, this is supposed to be a happy thing. We're pre-gaming a wedding apparently. And it's not until next week. So you need to stop with all the depressing talk. Right?" She looked from face to face, waiting for someone to back her up.

"Agreed," Elladan said eventually. "But you two clearly need to sort out your differences. Perhaps a long talk would do you both well? Legolas, stay with us, let the women talk privately."

"Why is everyone always trying to take me away from the people I love?" Legolas complained. But he did sit down and snatch up the wine offered to him.

"You all are going to feel my wrath," Emily said. After sweeping the room with her best cold look, she stood and followed Sparkle out and into the hallway.

"Make it quick, kiddo," Emily snapped as they were walking.

"This can't be quick!" Sparkle said. "I feel like you hate me, how am I supposed to change that?"

"Listen, you played along while I was dragged through the wringer and got the shit end of every stick. You and Mary-Sue went off all _we're going to find Frodo_. Do you know what happened to me while you guys were gone? Hm?"

"No..."

"I was put on a fucking horse, given a pointy stick and told not to die. I had the we're-about-to-die-but-it's-been-fun conversation. I thought I would never see the people I loved again. It's been too close before, I was worried that this time I wouldn't go home, I would just die!"

"Mary-Sue told me you would be okay! She said that-" Sparkle was stumbling over her words, her eyes staring down at her feet.

"She's a liar!" Emily shouted. "She'll say whatever she has to if it gets her what she wants. And look at us now, we're helpless here because she's passed out and we can't go home. And who knows what'll happen if I don't get home and get some therapy? Oh yeah, another nice side effect of the fighting you guys skipped out on, I can't sleep, can't even close my eyes without thinking I'm going to die all over again. So there you go, I'm not okay at all, and she's a fucking liar!" Emily turned away quickly. She wiped at tears with shaking hands.

"Emily, I'm sorry, I didn't think..."

"You're right, you didn't," Emily said. "You only thought about yourself. And now you want me to be nice to you? Well, good try, but I know who you're looking out for in the end, and I don't need that kind of friend, luckily I've found some good ones."

"Well what do you expect me to act like? I've got the one person I've ever wanted right in front of me and he's all over you! You act like you hate him, but you love the attention! And why do you make fun of us so much? The way you're talking, you think you're so much better than us, so why do you need to make fun of him all the time?"

"I hated every second that he was following me around. You think I want fake friendship or love from someone? No! All he is is a giant fake cooked up by Mary-Sue. I hope you realize that before he knocks you up with some bastard baby and leaves you to star on the next season of MTV!" Sparkle gasped at the MTV comment.

"Well you have a weird choice in friends for someone who doesn't like fakes!"

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Emily demanded.

"They're elves. They don't really care about you. That one guy feels bad for taking you here, and the other ones feel bad that you got pushed along on the quest, because you're so weak. I was the one that Mary-Sue picked because I'm strong and special enough, not you! They were expecting you to be dead. They wouldn't have cared." Sparkle sneered her last comment, giving Emily a pitying look. "I have someone who tells me he loves me every day. He listens to me and cares about me. You have nothing."

"Fuck off," Emily said. "I have a long day tomorrow and I've had enough of your shit. I need some sleep." She was almost ashamed to do it, but she turned and ran from her cousin, not stopping until she got to her door.

But she didn't sleep. She spent the first half of the night tossing and turning, unable to stop thinking. She knew that Sparkle was lying to get a reaction from her, but she couldn't help but be upset by it. So much for being friends. When she finally found it nearly impossible to stay awake and her eyes were falling shut, she couldn't keep the images of death out of her mind, and sleep still eluded her.

It seemed to take forever for morning to come, but finally the sun was beginning to float over the horizon. Emily spent a few minutes, just staring out as the sun began to cover the Pelennor. Fires still burnt; bodies did not burn quickly, especially the huge numbers that they had to dispose of. Their own dead had been removed and their bodies either returned to the families or buried. It hurt to think that she was so close to becoming one of the soldiers who, for some reason or another, would not be sent home and now lay beneath the earth unclaimed.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. Before she could get up and answer, in burst Gwyn, with Meril following closely behind her.

"I'm glad to see you're awake!" Gywn said in her usual gruff tone. "I was afraid your drinking habit would see you dead to the world this morning... or just dead altogether."

"It's not a habit..." Emily muttered.

"Well, it sure seems like one," Gywn argued. "Now get dressed, we have lots to do today. Meril will help you, to make sure you don't rip your stitches _again, _or do something as disastrous to a patient. Oh that would make me cross, girl. Then come find me. Meril, tell her what her duties will be." Gwyn nodded and billowed out of the room just as quickly as she had burst in, leaving Emily and Meril alone.

"Hi," Emily said quietly.

"Hello, Emily," Meril said. She smiled gently. "Are you ready to work hard?"

"I guess so," Emily replied. "So what do I have to do?"

"For now, only simple tasks, Gwyn does not have the time to teach you very much. So you will be inspecting and changing bandages, making sure the men are eating and drinking, and other simple things like that. You would be surprised how much a smiling face and a few moments of your time can help." She held up a simple, powder blue dress.

"Uniform?" Emily asked. She pulled off her nightclothes, any sense of shame or modesty having long been lost. Meril didn't seem surprised, though. She helped Emily into her underclothes and then the blue dress. It was itchy, but otherwise comfortable. The sleeves were long but loose enough to push up and the skirt was just a breath too short, which may have looked odd, but Emily was glad that she could scratch don't-trip-over-your-dress off her list of things to worry about. But these small imperfections made it clear the dress wasn't made for her. She supposed that the newbie healers' helpers like herself didn't rate fancy outfits, and hand me downs were common.

"You may need to change soiled bed linens, which you can ask one of us for help with. I'm faster, so you would hold up the patient while I change the linens." Meril sighed and looked at her with a sad expression. "It has been weeks since the war. Those who need tending still are our worst. By now nearly all have a clear prognosis, but we must always appear bright. You should know that you may see a man die today."

"Nothing new," Emily mumbled. "At least this time I'm trying to help people instead of kill."

"They weren't _people_," Meril said quietly. "My brother was killed out there by those monsters. He was set to be married in a few months... In my eyes, it may not be proper, but you did all of us proud going out there to fight those things. If you killed even one, all the women who lost someone to the war should feel a little bit better.

"Th- thank you..." Emily mumbled, unsure how to continue the conversation.

Meril stared at her for a moment, but didn't say anything. Finally she nodded and led her out of the room. They walked outside and Emily took a moment to enjoy the warmth of the sun.

"Where are we going?" Emily asked.

"The Houses of Healing, on the sixth circle" Meril replied. "I forgot you do not know your way around here."

"Yeah, I don't even know how I got all the way up here after the battle. Fuck it's a miracle someone was good enough not to leave me down there." The plains weren't just a long way down, the road was winding and parts in the lower circles were nearly destroyed.

"You have good friends."

Emily followed her through the huge gate and down to the sixth level of the city. She looked around in awe; this was the first time she'd really experienced much of it. So long as she didn't look down the city looked beautiful. And even the destruction was so far away that she could almost pretend that it hadn't happened. They were hundreds of feet above the damaged first circle and the ravaged fields.

"We will work here until it is dark. It is hard work, so rest when you need it. If you need help, call me over, I will never be too far."

"Sure," Emily said. She tried not to let it show on her face, but she could tell by the smell that they were getting close.

"You will get used to it," Meril said softly. The girls had made their way down to the sixth circle and approached a huge building with large windows. People were running in and out, carrying parcels and talking to one another.

"Come with me," Meril said, gently taking her arm. She led her inside, staying out of the way of those darting around them. Emily was astounded at how many still remained injured. Cots were lined up all throughout the large hall, filled with men of varying injuries. Even worse were the empty ones. Emily tried to tell herself they had all returned to health and gone on about their lives.

"Do not seem pessimistic," Meril whispered. "Tell them that things are going well, and that they are healing. Tell them that the King's wedding is coming and they must try to get better in time for the celebrations. Do not be too worried, I will only have you tending to those who are doing fairly well."

The girls continued through the airy building, passing more private rooms and finally arriving at a garden in its centre. A few people stood or sat talking, but they continued through until they were in another large, full room.

"Meril, there you are," Gwyn was suddenly in front of them. "Did you tell her what she needs to do?" Without waiting for an answer, she handed Emily a large basket, and pointed her towards a corner. "Here are bandages, change what needs to be changed, surely you can handle that. If they have not eaten, feed them. Get to work, girl."

"No rest for the weary," Emily said, walking over towards the area Gwyn had pointed out. Meril gave her a reassuring look, but it didn't do much good. She tried to look at the other girls and copy what they were doing. The first patient she approached couldn't have been more than fifteen. He was sitting up, trying to eat his breakfast with his one good arm.

"Hi," Emily said quietly.

"Hello," he replied. "Here to baby me like the other ladies try? I've fought a war, I can manage some stale bread."

Emily cursed Gwyn, it couldn't have been a coincidence that she'd gotten the kid with the giant attitude right off the bat.

"No, I don't want to _baby_ you, so check the attitude kiddo." Emily huffed.

"What did you call me? I am _not_ a kid. My name is Berianir, and I am a soldier. While everyone was cowering inside the city I was risking my life."

"Look, I don't want to argue with you, I just need to check your bandages. Trust me, I don't _want_ to have to sit here and spoon feed you like a child." Emily crossed her arms, staring down at him. "So where's the boo-boo?"

"It's _fine," _the teenager snapped. "It's clean and healing well."

"Just let me do my job," Emily argued. "If we both work together, this will be over in a jif." She plastered on a fake smile for the kid's sake, but found it very hard to keep on.

"I said _no,_" he seethed.

"You listen to me you little punk," Emily hissed, getting in his face. "Firstly, I'll give you some respect if you give me some. I fought right beside you. I got a buttload of new scars to prove it. Secondly, I have no family and no home, so I really have to pull this gig off. Now let me see your injury. Mine is practically healed, so if you aren't, it must be bad, so suck it up buddy."

"You? You're a girl-"

"Bear just be quiet and show her yer arse! Some of us actually _want_ some attention from the ladies!" Emily turned to look at the man who had spoken. He was grinning while tearing into his breakfast. "Don't mind him; we call him Bear on account of his temper. Ain't really his fault, he just hasn't grown up enough to learn what's good for him! Plus he's a little shy about his rear. It's no actually his rear, just his legs, but he gets embarrassed easy, some silly Gondorian junk, he can't tell when someone's tryin' to help him."

"Shut up, Léohtír!"

"He's right," Emily said. "I really don't _want_ to see your ass. It's just an occupational hazard. Now don't make me fight you, we both know I'd win."

"This is horrible," the teen mumbled, putting down his bread and rolling onto his side. Emily gently lifted the blanket, hoping that everything would be fine and she could move on... but of course not. His leg was cut from his right knee up to his lower back.

"Please just make this easier on both of us and try not to be embarrassed," Emily said. "Let's save the awkward for another time, ok?"

"He just doesn't know what to do with a woman lookin at him!" Léothír laughed.

"Would you be quiet?" Emily snapped. Berianir finally had nothing to say. "Ok, so um, I guess here goes..." Emily had a knife in one hand, trying to decide the best way to remove his bandages.

"Wait you _have_ done this before, right?"

"Oh yeah, a million times," Emily said dismissively before beginning to gently lift and cut at the bandages. And luckily she got them all off without doing any damage. There was a basin with water near them, so she wet a rag and tried to gently clean the wound. It was mostly scabbed over, so she didn't have to worry about too much blood, just what had dried on. She assumed that he had been refusing a clean dressing for a while now.

Wrapping was a bit more cumbersome, but luckily by this point, the young man had resigned himself to his embarrassment and just went along with it.

"Not so bad, right?" Emily asked.

"Uhh yeah," Berianir agreed, nodding lazily. He had finished his bread and his eyes were beginning to close. Emily was sure he was in worse shape than he would let on if he was this tired already.

"He sleeps a lot," Léothír said quietly. "But he's a strong boy, he will heal in time."

"I hope so," Emily said, finally turning to pay attention to the man. One arm was in a sling, but he seemed to be managing to eat just fine with his good hand. His mop of golden hair highlighted him as Rohirrim.

"Please tell me you won't give me as hard a time as your friend did," Emily said. "That bandage looks dirty."

"Oh no, I've lived a while longer than he has, I know better," he took the last bite of his bread and smiled.

"Oh good," Emily said, sitting down beside his cot. "Give me your arm." He stretched it towards her and she pulled out her knife again.

"Please tell me you know how to use that," he said.

"Well today's the first time I've used it for anything so delicate. But it's ripped out a throat or two... I wasn't joking when I said that I was out there." Emily began cutting at the bandages, gently pulling them away from his skin.

"Where did you get that?"

"Elves," Emily replied. "They're kind of my only friends right now."

"Well, if you manage not to cut my arm open, you will have another friend." Léothír said.

"Oh lucky me... stop moving!" Emily grabbed his hand and held his arm steady while she worked. Once the bandages were off his arm she moved to the ones around his middle.

"From the elves, hm?" Léothír asked.

"Yeah, they put up with me," Emily shrugged. "I'm just kind of hanging out here until someone figures out what to do with me."

"Did your husband die?" Emily was surprised with how bluntly he asked. She may have been hurt if she had a different answer.

"No, I wasn't married. I just sort of fell into this war and here I am, a whole bunch of mental and physical scarring later." She smiled weakly and Léothír laughed.

"Aren't we all?" he said softly.

"Well you're looking pretty good," Emily said once she'd gotten the layers wrapped around his middle off. The cut across his middle had closed and only a large, pink scar and old, yellowed bruises.

"Why thank you, I do try to impress."

"Oh you're _not_ funny, mister. I meant you're healing well. I don't think we need to wrap your stomach. Hate to disappoint ya, perv."

The day continued rather quietly. The first two she had seen were by far the most talkative. Most smiled wearily when she came by, and were unable to help her dress their injuries. But Emily enjoyed feeding breakfast to those who could not feed themselves. Some engaged her in conversation, some could not, but they all looked thankful.

When Meril came over and tapped her on the shoulder, Emily could hardly believe it was time for a break. But when she finally got to dig into her lunch, her stomach gave a loud gurgle and alerted her to how hungry she really was. She hoped the bread and soup would hold her over until dinnertime.

"So, Emily, is it safe to say you will be attending the wedding?" Meril asked. Some of the other girls sitting close by leaned in.

"I'm not really sure," Emily said. "I don't know if they would really want me there..."

"Is it true you know the king?" asked a blonde girl to her left. She looked very young, maybe fifteen, and very curious.

"Well," Emily said. "I guess so, but he hadn't really been himself when I knew him. I'd be interested to see what he's really like."

"I am sure they will want you there," the blonde girl said with a warm smile. "It will be an amazing celebration, with music and dancing and so much good food..."

"Oh come on, you know that's ridiculous," said another girl. "I hate to burst this touching moment, but if the King cared what happened to you, would you really be stuck here with us, a bunch of orphans, taking care of dying men? No, you would be relaxing in the citadel with the rich and posh, being fitted for ballgowns and having your hair done by a handmaiden."

"Oh be quiet," Meril said. "She is staying with the elves, can you imagine? It must be so exciting."

"What are they like?" The blonde girl looked at her, eyes wide.

"Um, they're... nice... I guess..." Emily smiled back at her. "I only know a few, but they're my friends, almost like my family."

"Story time is over, ladies!" The four girls got to their feet when they heard Gwyn's voice. She didn't look happy. "Time to get back to work!"

Emily brought the bowl of soup to her mouth and quickly drank what was left. She shoved the end of her bread into her pocket for later, then picked up her basket and got back to work.


	16. Chapter 16

**Are We Done Yet?**

_It's been a fun journey, but I've decided that this is where this leg will end. The last chapter was a bit serious, but I felt it needed to be in here. Thank you to those who sent me their feedback, it is always appreciated, and I'm happy to hear you enjoyed some of the more serious content, as well as the funny stuff. But this story needs to end on a light note. Oh, and I am still looking for someone to beta-read upcoming chapters. The offer to beta for you in return still stands. Let me know if you are interested, but for now enjoy some crazy:_

The sun was finally going down and the day was finally close to being over. Changing bandages and sheets was more work than it seemed. By the evening, Emily was covered in sweat and blood, and she didn't care to think about how much (or how little?) was actually hers. When she finally made it back to her room, she undressed, tried to scrub herself with a washcloth, and got dressed again in fresh clothes. The whole day in the dress had irked her, so she decided that boys' clothes would have to do. Just for good measure, she grabbed her knife and tucked it into her waistband. With a gurgling stomach, she jogged down the halls, looking forward to a nice, quiet dinner. On her way she found Haldir, and pestered him into joining her.

"Wow, what's the occasion?" Emily asked, eyeing the spread that had been set out. Some birds that looked too small to be a chickens had been browned and piled high at the center of the table. Cooked vegetables were still steaming.

"The wedding is coming soon," Haldir said. "Everyone is celebrating."

"Wonderful," Emily said, reaching to fill her plate. "It has been such a long day, I'm going to pig out."

"Of course," he said.

"What's that supposed to mean, jerk?" Emily laughed.

"Oh nothing," he replied.

The dinner was delicious, and Emily was just reaching for seconds when in walked Sparkle and Legolas. The former was dressed in a flowing, pink gown, which was so puffy Emily wondered if she would be able to sit. Her hair was up in an intricate updo and on top of the pinned curls sat a tiara. Legolas followed behind her, the usual dazed look in his eyes.

"Hi guys," Sparkle said sweetly, before taking a seat beside her cousin.

"Oh jeez," Emily said. "We totally forgot." She looked over at Haldir, a shocked look on her face. "You should have reminded me, you jerk. I didn't even realize until Sparkle walked in that junior prom is tonight!"

She really wished that he would have gotten that one. But Sparkle did, and she was not impressed.

"For your information, Legolas gave me this tiara because he _loves_ me. And when we get married I'm going to be a princess!" Sparkle huffed and crossed her arms.

"Oh, sweetie, don't pout. It'll give you wrinkles." Emily laughed as Sparkle began poking at her face.

"Don't joke about that!" Sparkle screamed. "I need to look perfect!"

"Sparkle I will always love you," Legolas said. "Wrinkles and all."

"Excuse me?" Sparkle roared. "Are you saying I have _wrinkles_?"

"No- not at all..."

"You don't love me anymore! You think I'm ugly!_" _Sparkle wailed. She put her head down on the table and covered it with her arms, sobbing uncontrollably. Legolas was pulling his hair, his wide, confused eyes staring as his "girlfriend" went into total meltdown mode.

"This is amazing," Emily said. "It's like dinner theatre, you get dinner and a show. This delicious bird of some kind, and the word's most dysfunctional couple."

"My conscience is telling me I should not be enjoying this so much," Haldir said. "But I can not look away."

"It's like a train wreck..." Emily said. She finished her drink and took the bottle on the table for a refill.

"Help me..." Legolas said between deep breaths.

"Oh no," Emily replied. "This is your own stupid fault."

"It sounds like someone is killing a pig for tomorrow's lunch." Haldir muttered. Emily laughed.

"A-a-a-a _pig_?" Sparkle choked out between sobs. She started crying louder. Legolas' breathing was getting faster and faster. He was gripping the edge of the table as tightly as he could with shaking hands.

"You need to calm down, buddy, you're gonna pass out..." Emily said. "I mean, it would be amusing, but inconvenient."

"But- but-" And with a thump he fell forward, still sitting at the table. At least he'd had his dinner to protect his face from slamming into the table. Sparkle looked up at the predicament and started crying all over again.

"Why couldn't it have just stopped at funny?" Emily asked. Haldir had pulled Legolas out of his dinner and was trying to get him to stay sitting up in his chair.

"Hold on," Emily said, reaching over. "He's got a little something..." She flicked a piece of food off of his cheek. Suddenly, he took a deep gasp of air and his eyes opened.

"You saved me!" Legolas shouted, throwing his arms around Emily in a hug. "I knew you were special, you brought me back to life!"

"You were not dead..." Haldir pointed out, but Legolas ignored him.

"I knew you were special," Legolas said. "You have powers and abilities... You saved the world!"

"Are you kidding me right now?" Emily asked, trying to squirm her way out of his embrace. "You fainted, you didn't _die!"_

"No need to be humble," Legolas said. "We all know the truth."

"What are you two doing?" Sparkle demanded. "Is this why you don't find me attractive, Legolas? You're still in love with her? And Emily I thought we were finally getting closer..."

"Us? Closer? No, sweetie I hate you and your psycho boyfriend."

"Get your whore hands off of him!" Sparkle roared, lunging across the table at Emily. Haldir managed to catch her before she made contact, but "accidentally" dropped her into a bowl of mushy, overdone, boiled vegetables. Emily laughed, Sparkle screamed, Haldir jumped back, and Legolas just had that dumb-as-a-pile-of-rocks grin on his face. Sparkle picked herself up out of the vegetables, pulling clumps out of her hair.

"Legolas, I believe we should let the ladies work this out, don't you?" Haldir asked. Without waiting for a response, he pulled the elf off of Emily and out of the room.

"If I don't get out of here alive it's on your conscience!" Emily yelled after him. When he didn't reply, she sighed and turned to her cousin. "So what's the deal with you today?"

"Nothing..." Sparkle mumbled, picking out what looked like a piece of carrot. She shook her hand, trying to get it off, a totally disgusted look on her face.

"You were crying like a freaking baby," Emily said. "Either something happened or you need to be on some hardcore medication, and honestly, they don't have that shit here, and I am not prepared to deal with someone who has an untreatable mental disorder."

"I'm just a little bit unstable at this time..." Sparkle said quietly, wiping the tears and vegetables from her face.

"Are you trying to tell me you have monster PMS?" Emily asked.

"They don't have _tampons_ here," Sparkle whispered. She didn't really need to, though. Everyone had cleared out when she'd begun her antics, and any stragglers who were left would probably bail when they realized there were two girls talking about periods.

"What? I mean, of course not, I guess I never thought..." Emily trailed off, a confused look on her face. "I haven't had once since I got here..."

"It was Mary-Sue's magic," Sparkle said. "She didn't want stuff like that in her story. Now that she's still not waking up... Things are changing."

"Well you're not that young, it's not like it's something new, why the waterworks?" Emily asked.

"You don't know yet," Sparkle said forebodingly. "You'll get one soon, and you'll have to wear a stupid towel in your already-uncomfortable underwear- or whatever you call these things."

"Whatever, there are worse things in life-"

"And then, you have to _wash your towel_."

"Okay, this bitch is waking up."

The two girls stood at the foot of Mary-Sue's bed, looking down at the sleeping girl. Every so often she would mumble something in her sleep, or move, and Emily would get excited that she was waking up. But just like that she would fall back into a sound sleep.

"What do we do?" Sparkle asked in a whisper.

"Well, first off, don't worry about being quiet. We're trying to wake her up, remember? Why don't you tell her about how you broke up with Legolas? You told me you two are so different, the only thing that could make things better was if she were to miraculously wake up and help you." Emily nodded at Sparkle.

"Oh yes, I definitely need some magic help..."

The girls stared at Mary-Sue, waiting for any type of response, but she just kept on sleeping. Getting impatient, Emily leaned over and pinched her face. Mary-Sue opened her mouth... then let out a loud yawn and continued to sleep. Sparkle grabbed one of her feet and tried to tickle her.

"Wake up!" Emily yelled in her ear. She started banging on the table beside her bed while Sparkle ran around making what sounded like police siren noises.

"What are you doing?" Emily asked.

"She's kinda crazy, maybe she's been in trouble with the law before." Sparkle replied with a shrug. "Maybe it'll freak her out. It's worth a try, right?"

"Everything's worth a try," Emily said.

Half an hour later, Emily was banging together a pair of pans she had taken from the kitchen and Sparkle was slapping Mary-Sue across the face. And they were getting nowhere. When her arms had finally had enough, Emily dropped the pans on the ground.

"I give up," she declared. "I don't know what else to do."

"We _have_ to wake her up," Sparkle argued. "How else will we get home? What if she dies? We'll be stuck here!"

"I thought you wanted to stay?" Emily asked. "Aren't you going to be with crazy boy for ever and ever?"

"I want to go home," Sparkle said with a sniffle. "Now's not the time to talk about our relationship, I just want to get out of here and be back in my own bed in my own house."

"Me too," Emily said. "It's okay, we'll find a way..."

"I hope so," Sparkle said. "Wait... I have an idea! Give me your knife!"

"Don't do anything crazy," Emily said, reluctantly handing it over. Sparkle looked a little bit unsure, but determined, as she turned it over in her hands. She grabbed a hold of Mary-Sue's hair and pulled it back. Just as Emily thought she was going to have to tackle the girl before she committed murder, Sparkle started sawing at Mary-Sue's hair. And it was a sharp knife, her hair was falling fast.

With a shriek, Mary-Sue sat up in bed.

"What is happening?" She demanded.

"We had to wake you up," Sparkle said matter-of-factly. "Nothing else was working."

Mary-Sue's eyes widened when she saw the large handful of hair that Sparkle was holding. Slowly, she brought a trembling hand up to touch her new 'do.

"You like it?" Emily asked smugly. "You know, I hear that short hair is very in this season."

"_You_," Mary-Sue seethed.

"Yes, me," Emily said. "And as much as I hate to admit it, I need your help."

"So you let her _cut my hair_? Actually, I'm not that shocked by you, but Sparkle, I would have never imagined you could do such a thing! As a fellow owner of magical hair I'd assumed you would know how special it is!" Mary-Sue was shaking as she shouted, to Emily she looked close to tears.

"I didn't know what else to do!" Sparkle defended herself. "I don't even know why I thought of cutting your hair, it just made sense at the time."

"It's going to take all of my magic to grow my hair back!"

"Oh no," Emily said, stepping forward. "All of your magic is going to go into taking us home. I will personally buy you some freaking extensions when we get there if you insist."

"We will go home when Sparkle marries Legolas."

"Fine," Emily said. "They'll get married tomorrow!"

"No!" Sparkle protested. "I told you..."

"Look, it's a different world. Your wedding won't even be valid back home. It's not like they'll give you a Middle-earth marriage certificate."

"It won't need to be valid back home, idiot," Mary-Sue said. "She'll stay here with her true love, and you can return home with me when I decide her story has been completed."

"You're going to leave me here forever?" Sparkle asked. "You can't! I want to go home!"

"How can you want to go home when your true love is here?" Mary-Sue asked.

"Because he's broken or something!" Sparkle replied.

"Oh sweetie that's easy to fix," Mary-Sue said with a wave of her hand. "Lots of guys just have bad nights. Was he drinking?"

"No, not like _that_!" Sparkle said, offended. "I'm not gonna give it up that easily! He just dumped Emily, I'm not some cheap rebound."

"Hey!" Emily interrupted. "The only reason he dumped me was because I made him want to."

"Well whatever, but we both know I'm a better match for him. Anyways, I'm sure his _business_ is fine, but he's been acting all weird lately. He doesn't want to spend time together, and I think he's gotten stupider."

"That's impossible," Emily said. "But I guess I can't blame you for not wanting to spend eternity with him. I mean, I can only assume that your plan included her becoming immortal so that the whole death-do-us-part thing wouldn't matter?"

"Well, it was more because he would still be young and attractive and she would be a wrinkly old lady..." Mary-Sue admitted with a shrug.

"W-wrinkles?" Sparkle whined. "Wait can you still let me be immortal, but make Legolas back to his old and loveable self?"

"Nope, it's a package deal," Mary-Sue replied.

"So if Legolas goes back to his old self, you'll marry him?" Emily asked. Sparkle nodded. "And if she marries him, we can go home?"

"Well yes, but Sparkle can not return... She must stay with him."

"No..." Sparkle grabbed Emily's arm and looked at her with a pitiful expression. "Don't let her leave me here. Remember what I said, your time will be here soon."

"My time for wha- oh yeah... Mary-Sue we need some tampons or something. And should I be concerned I've missed the past however many months I've been here?"

"Oh please, with the way you've been acting, who would get close enough to get you pregnant? And no, don't worry, as much as you think I'm an evil bitch, I've been using my powers for good, to help you two avoid some of the nastier parts of reality that would just make the story gross. Like honestly, you drank dirty water from the ground and never once had diarrhea all over the place. You both owe me a big thank you."

"When someone kidnaps you you don't thank them for not chopping you up and murdering you, you still hate them for kidnapping you." Emily pointed out.

"Well then don't hate me, hate the kidnapper," Mary-Sue said flippantly. "But from what I see you've decided to become friends?"

"It's not like that, he didn't know-"

"Sure he did!" Mary-Sue shouted. "He took you form you home. Do you think he thought it was a good thing to do? Normal people do not kidnap other people. And you think you're friends- hah! He's the one who willingly brought you here!"

Emily stared at her for a long time. Sparkle tightened her hand, giving Emily's arm a squeeze.

"She's just messing with you," Sparkle whispered.

"Am I really? All I did was tell crazy Elrond to send someone to get you. All they had to do was refuse to kidnap an innocent girl."

"Fuck you," Emily said. "After all this I'm not some innocent girl anymore. I'm ending this bullshit right now." She pulled her knife and ran out of the room. Sparkle and Mary-Sue looked at each other, shocked, and then took off after her.

"Legolas!" Emily yelled, running down a hallway. "Where are you? I need your help!"

"Emily?" It was Erestor.

"You are the _last_ person I want to see right now," she said. The first day she'd met him flashed in her mind. He'd thrown her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and brought her here. Mary-Sue was right; kidnapping was bad. There really was no excuse. "I'm busy with something."

"Why do you have that out?" He asked, looking at the long knife in her hands. "Are you dreaming again?"

"I am one hundred percent awake right now, and I'm busy... Legolas! Come out here!" She continued running, but he was stubbornly following her.

"You have had a long day, you-"

"The lady said leave her alone, Joe," Legolas said as he approached. He flashed a confident smile at Emily. "What do you need, love?"

"Emily, stop!" Sparkle yelled from down the hall. Her and Mary-Sue were running towards her. Emily knew she had to move now, once they got to her or if Erestor figured out what was happening, the opportunity would be gone.

"Sorry if the real you is in there," Emily said, lunging for Legolas.

"No!" Mary-Sue yelled.

She'd prepared herself to collide with the elf. She had killed enough in battle to know that it took considerable strength to stab someone, and she had been ready. She had also killed enough to be okay with doing it one more time. If the story was ruined, Mary-Sue would have no use for her, and would have to leave her and Sparkle alone to find someone else for her stories.

So imagine her surprise when the next thing Emily knew, she was on the ground eating dirt.

Emily looked up, spitting leaves and earth out of her mouth. Her knife was lodged in the ground in front of her. She wrenched it free and got to her feet, confused as all hell.

"Hello?" She called out to the empty field in front of her. It was getting dark, but there was still enough light for her to tell that there was nothing but empty space in front of her. Her heart sunk and she felt tears building up in her eyes.

"Damn," she said softy, only to be interrupted by a loud, familiar noise behind her. She turned around just in time to catch the 18-wheeler pass by. She put the knife away and, wiping her eyes, she stumbled towards the small road, looking left and right for signs of another vehicle. She waved frantically at the few and far-between who passed by, but most just looked at her like she was crazy.

Finally, as it was becoming too dark to see, a car slowed down and pulled over for her.

"Oh crap," Emily mumbled to herself as the two police officers stepped out of their car.

"Miss," one called to her. "You need to put down the weapon."

"What? Oh!" Emily pulled the knife out of her waistband and dropped it on the ground.

"What are you doing out here?" The second officer asked her, stepping towards her. "And how did you get out here?" As he was asking her questions, his partner walked over and picked up the knife.

"That's mine!" Emily said. "I need it!"

"For what, exactly? And you never told me who you were. My name is Officer Andrews, and we just want to help you out."

"My name is Emily, and I have no idea how I got out here, I'm sorry."

"Emily what? Do you have any ID?" He looked at her expectantly. "A driver's license or anything?"

"It's Weston, and no, I don't have anything!"

"Weston... go run that name," he said to his partner, who obliged and ducked back into the car, taking the knife with him.

"So, you have no idea how you got out here, Emily?"

"No," she replied quietly. "I just want to go home."

The officer in the car got out and ran over to his partner, and told him something too quietly for Emily to hear. They both looked over at her and then went back to whispering.

"Miss you had better come with us," the one who had asked her the questions said, escorting her to their car. Emily figured they had found a report on her or something. Hopefully they were taking her towards civilization.

"What's going on?" She asked once they had started driving.

"I knew there was a reason your name sounded familiar," Andrews said. "You're the girl who keeps going missing, everyone's heard about you. And don't think people aren't starting to get curious. Whatever you're doing: sneaking off with your boyfriend, or running drugs, or whatever it is, we'll find out."

"Andrews you can't start accusing her of things, as far as we know she's a victim," his partner reminded him quietly. "And if you have to, at least remember to read her her rights first."

"I just want to go ho-"

"Miss Weston, you have the right to remain silent..." Emily closed her eyes at that point, that was all she needed to hear.

When she woke up, it was by someone pulling at her arm. It was Andrews, yanking her out of the car. He walked her into a small police station. A woman at the front desk looked up and shook her head.

"Staying the night?" She asked.

"Yep," Andrews said.

"What?" Emily demanded. "Why? I didn't do anything!"

"Well, we have forty-eight hours to figure that out. Now be nice and just fill out the paperwork."

"Let me call my mom, please," Emily asked.

"Finish the paperwork, then you can make a call." He pushed the clipboard into her hands.

"What did she do?" The receptionist asked quietly.

"Says she's the girl who keeps getting kidnapped, Moore and I think she's hiding something," answered Andrews.

"No, you think she's up to something. I think she's a confused girl who needs some help. What if she keeps disappearing and honestly can't remember it because something is wrong with her... like, mentally? She doesn't exactly look stable." The two officers looked at each other, and then at Emily, who was staring right back.

"Fuck," she mumbled to herself, then looked down at the paper in front of her. Slowly, she filled in what she could. It had been a long time since she'd written anything.

"It's nice to be dealing with someone who isn't kicking and screaming," Moore said as the woman took the clipboard from Emily. "Now just be nice while we fingerprint you and then you can call someone."

Emily obliged as the woman took her prints. Once she was finished, Andrews asked her for a phone number, after reminding her that he was doing her a favor by allowing her this phone call. Emily rattled off her mother's phone number, and once he had punched it in, he handed her the phone.

Her hands were shaking as the phone rang. After the third ring, she was starting to feel defeated. But finally, her mother picked up, sounding tired and confused, but definitely there.

"M-mom..." Emily couldn't help herself from crying. She was finally home for good.

"Emily! Where are you?"

"Well," she replied with a sigh. "I got arrested..."

Jean drove over the next morning to pick her up. It turns out that she was in jail in a small town a few hours away. Her mother had wanted to come right away, but Andrews took the phone and told her not to bother, Emily would be staying for a while. Thankfully, the next morning, someone more level-headed had arrived (and superior in rank, apparently) and had cleared Emily to leave.

They were all shocked when Jean showed up and confirmed that her daughter was who she said she was. Emily couldn't stop hugging her mom, she was so relieved. There was a brief debate over whether or not the knife was a weapon or collectible, but in the end, she was allowed to leave with it.

"What happened?" Jean asked while they were driving home.

"Fought again," Emily said. "I got beat up pretty bad, but I'll live. I just want to get home... maybe after stopping somewhere for a burger..."

After hitting up a drive through for some food, which Emily quickly ingested, they settled in for a quiet drive home. Neither really knew what to say. Of course, there had been the typical "I love you"s and "I'm go happy you're home"s, but that had been about it. Finally, as they pulled onto the street that Emily's family lived on, Jean turned to her daughter.

"Is it over? The whole story?"

"Yes," Emily replied quietly, her smile marred only by the mustard stain on her lip. "She sent me home."

_I didn't intend to end this story in this chapter, there was supposed to be one more. I just couldn't stop once I got writing! I've started the next installment, but it won't be up for a little while, so for now just enjoy this semblance of a happy ending. Don't worry, it's not even close to over!_


	17. Epilogue

**Are We Done Yet?**

**Epilogue**

_I felt the abrupt ending to the last chapter needed this. Also, I'm still in the market for a beta reader. If you are interested, or can recommend someone, please let me know. I would greatly appreciate the second opinion, even if it's your first time! It just feels a little weird going through the list on here of betas and messaging someone randomly, haha I guess I'll have to get over it. But please, let me know if interested, the offer to return services still 100% stands. Enjoy!_

_Oh! Remember to vote on the poll on my profile and tell mw where you want the next story to go! Funnies? Adventure? Romance? Have a say!_

"Like I said, I can't remember my dreams either," Emily said to the man sitting in the chair across from her. He frowned and wrote something down on the paper in front of him, glancing up at her with an annoyed look on his face.

"Well, that's all the time for today," he said with a loud sigh, getting to his feet. "If you can think of anything, please call me, here or on the emergency number. It really is _that_ important that we can talk about this."

"Yeah, sure, thanks doc," Emily mumbled, standing as well. He ushered her to the door, a calm smile on his face. She was sure he was getting frustrated with her lack of co-operation. At first, he had thought she was telling the truth, that she had been so traumatized that her mind had somehow blocked out the experience. But now, after completing the exercises he'd assigned, and still claiming to know nothing, she was sure he would be getting frustrated soon.

As she walked out the door, she stole a quick peek at his papers, on which he'd only written one word: _uncooperative_ in big, bold letters. She smiled and left the room.

"And let me guess, nothing?" The officer standing in the waiting room asked when he saw her. He fell into step beside her as she headed out of the building. Emily didn't understand the whole point of having someone accompany her; if the shrink found anything out, she was sure he would be right on the phone with the cops next thing.

"You win the prize," Emily said sarcastically. She'd had enough of Andrews and his crap. He was one of the two who had found her, wandering beside the highway when she'd come home. And he was the absolute least trusting person ever. He refused to just accept that she couldn't remember anything... even though it may have been a lie. But still, she as a good person, and deserved for people to just leave her alone.

"We got your blood work back," he said as they exited the building into the warm summer sun. "No drugs, no toxins, absolutely nothing out of the ordinary was in your system. So if you weren't drugged and the psychiatrist can't get anywhere, what could be causing your memory loss?"

"I don't know, why don't you tell me?" Emily asked. "You're the cop. Where's your car?"

"In the shop," he replied quickly. "I had to drive my personal car."

"Dang," Emily said when she saw the shiny mustang. "Maybe I should be a cop, huh?"

"There's a psych evaluation. I doubt you'd get through it with your track record of refusing information." Andrews said, shaking his head.

"Ha ha, very funny," she said bitterly, climbing into the car.

He dropped her off at her parents' house, and Emily muttered a quiet thank-you as she got out of the car. As soon as she was inside, she picked up the kitchen phone and called the police station that she had been taken to when she'd been found. It was a couple hours away, but she found the number easily enough on the Internet.

"How can I help you?" The receptionist asked after Emily had explained who she was.

"Can you tell me if a police officer Andrews is still working on my case, please? I just have some things that I want to discuss with him. I think it may be important." Emily was trying to keep her voice as up-beat as possible, she didn't want the woman to catch on to her suspicion. She wanted Andrews out of her hair, not fired.

"No, he's not," the woman replied. "He's just the one who turned you in, he wasn't assigned to the case. But I can get you in touch with the detective who is. His name-"

"You know what? I seem to have forgotten everything all over again. I'm sorry to have troubled you." Emily hung up the phone, and let out a frustrated sigh. She picked the receiver up again and punched in Andrews' number.

"Hello?"

"Hey Andrews, this is Emily," she said in a cool voice.

"What's the matter?" He asked.

"I just got off the phone with the nicest lady at the police station," Emily informed him. "And she said the funniest thing to me about you. She told me you're not assigned to this case."

"Look- Emily- I don't know what she was thinking, of course I am," he defended himself. "Why else would I be driving you around and calling you?"

"Because you're a suspicious fucker? I don't really know, and I don't really care. But I know that you're not a detective, and that I don't believe that shit about your patrol car being in the shop. I'm thinking you're off-duty and trying to keep tabs on me."

"Fine, yes, I am," he admitted. "I know you're not telling the truth. And I want to know what it is. Everyone thinks you're a victim, but I know you're not. Victims are innocent, they don't hide things from the police."

"You caught me," Emily said. "I am hiding things. But I'm sure as hell not going to tell them to you... or to the shrink for that matter. So here's my deal. You pull some strings and get me out of these damn court-ordered appointments, and I won't call up your supervisor and tell them what you've been doing." Her heart was pounding. She was trying to blackmail a cop. This couldn't end well. Oh shit. But she told herself that _he _was the one who had done wrong first, she was just doing what she had to to get away from him.

"Emily-"

"Don't talk to me any more, Andrews. I _am _an innocent person, and bad things happened to me. You're making me into a bad person."

"Fine," he said stiffly. "I'll call you back about the appointments."

"Good," she said before hanging up.

"What's going on?"

Emily jumped at the unexpected question. Jean, her mother, was standing behind her, and didn't look too pleased.

"Nothing mom," she mumbled.

"Didn't sound like nothing. So how about we have a glass of wine and you spill everything?" Jean asked as she walked past Emily, into the kitchen. She grabbed a couple of glasses and a bottle from the fridge and sat down with her daughter at the kitchen table.

"Was that even a real question?" Emily asked.

"Nope," Jean replied easily. "You may be twenty five, but you live under my roof... Wow, twenty five. I'm getting old." She sighed and poured two very full glasses.

"Fine," Emily said, taking a sip of her wine. "It's Andrews. He's not really assigned to take me to and from therapy, he just thinks I'm suspicious, so he's been tricking me. I found him out and told him to cut it out."

"Well, you do need a ride," Jean said. "Your license did expire while you were gone..."

"Don't worry. He's going to get me out of the shrink visits." Emily shrugged and took another sip. "I know I'm sane, _you_ know I'm sane, but the rest of the world would think I was completely nuts."

"I know, I know," Jean said. "We'll finish talking about this later. Finish your drink, your aunt and uncle are coming over. And try to be gentle, they're still really upset about their daughter."

"Ugh," Emily sighed, laying her head down on the table. Just what she needed after playing twenty questions with the therapist: Sparkle's parents. She crossed her fingers- and toes for good measure- in hopes that they wouldn't have a million questions of their own.

Being home was definitely _not_ turning out to be as simple as she had hoped...


End file.
